Thursday, January 31, 2013

17 weeks

I am goaling it up and I have emailed two new families. The last family said no.

I am feeling SO much better.

Now I am pre grieving as my caseworker says. I am thinking about the future. I won't be talking to this baby about her first date or what she wants to be or cleaning up her throw up or listening to her breath and being nervous if she is breathing. Or what if the parents don't work out and they kill another and get divorced or if they are suddenly killed in an accident. I just can't handle thinking but the caseworker says it is good.

So, I also talked to my friend Matt about finding someone to love today and who will date a prego girl or someone who placed a baby.

Oh shoot it is late i should be in bed but I really want to start blogging really good.

Matt said this.

I kinda have a different view on that. My step dad who was 30 years old married my mom who had me and my brother and we were 8 and 6. What a blessing he is to us. I love him. I have been out on dates with 3 divorced women. 2 of which had little boys. I think I would date  gal like that. Because I am a product of a wonderful man that took a chance on a lady and her two kids. So I think it would be close minded of me to not. It would be hard, but if I loved her then it would be all the same to me I would hope.


This settles my mind a little.

Oh I really want to place baby into a wonderful family with the promise I will find a man? Is that so wrong?

Maybe.

I am not throwing up as of last week.

Life is so much better.