Here is my little shower-
There are two ladies at my church who are adoptive moms.
First lady-
I am pretty sure I have blogged about her, she is lovely. When I met her I commented on how tall her daughter is and she said, she can't be getting taller then me and I said oh I think she is and I said your husband must be really tall? She said oh we adopted her and all our 5 kids. AMAZING! I said oh really, I don't tell everyone this but I am a birth mom and instantly she got tears in her eyes and hugged me. I got teary too and that just meant the world to me. I should tell her. We keep wanting to meet up but her life is busy with 5 kids and my life is busy with being prego and working? I dunno. Needless, we haven't but I have felt SO SO SO LOVED and respected by her in the most lovely way.
The other lady in the ward-
We did a gift exchange and I brought something and this lady got it. She thanked me and somehow we got on the topic that she only was born with half a heart and she adopted her two children. I said oh cool, I don't tell lots of people but I am a birth mom. She and I aren't close to say the least. Polite but that is it. I have tried to be nice a few times thinking that she just must have something going on with a hatred towards birthmoms but haven't found anything out and she is friends with the other person in our church who says things that are kinda rude. ha- so needless I have been wanting to get that off my chest so I can stop thinking about it.
1. GRRR I don't like it when I tell someone I am a birth mom and they are insensitive.
2. I don't like to regret
3. I am not to be envied, I think some adoptive moms envy the birth moms. We are all on the same page ladies. You think I wanted to get prego and have my heart ripped out? IT IS HARD. Though I love sweet little guy and am grateful for how things have worked out I still can't help but feel like his life, my life and everyone's lives would be easier if he was just born to his parents that I felt and FEEL very strongly about them all being together.
WHEW!
SO what do you do when adoptive moms aren't nice and then you get a whole swirl of feelings like oh maybe she thinks I am whore for getting prego without being married or did she tell anyone else and they talked about it or yadda yadda.
I LOVE BEING A BIRTH MOM.
I love it. I will take being a birth mom over lots of other titles.
What if I was raped? I wasn't but my goodness.
When I grow up I am going to be more like Jesus and I will look back at this post and be embarrassed I ever thought of these things but for now I am just wanting to take it personal and all.
OKAY-
Listen to how wonderful my sweet baby boys mom is. She is the best adoptive mom ever.
I am so glad I got her.
I have been extremely struggling with the concept of being a step mom and then being a prego mom and having been a birth mom even more then ever LOTS of emotions.
Adoptive mom or baby boys mom- she sent me the longest sweetest angelic email.
I should see if I have permission from her to post it. I dunno- maybe that would be weird. Either way, she is LOVELY. It made me cry and I RARELY cry so that meant so much. Cry tears of joy, the best kind.
I should blog about it though.
Being a step mom is terrible depending on the situation but my gosh, no easy way to say it. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Being a birth mom I think it makes being a step mom worse because, I JUST FOUGHT AND FOUGHT FOR 9 MONTHS for a baby boy to go to a home of a mother and a father and then I marry someone and I watch the pain of a little girl as she is dragged home to home and manipulated and treated as a pon. I see anger in a child I see a child manipulated to hate and then I see it back fire onto her mom. It breaks me. So now, being a prego mom I am pycho- this baby is so protected and I will have the best marriage and I am motivated beyond anything to make sure that this works out perfect and there is no such things as perfect so I am screwed. haha
AND I can't emotionally get involved with the step daughter, it just isn't possible right now. To many emotions.
SO that is my shower- and my flower comes next month! YAY! My sweet little boy that I get to be his mom and love on him as much as I want. I CAN'T WAIT to be a mom and a wife.
To anyone I offend- I don't mean to- to anyone that doesn't feel loved- I love you. To anyone that this confuses, I am also confused, hang in there.
LOVE MAMA ALICE
