I love little baby boy

First, I loved this movie, I really think that there is a Heaven. That there is life after death and that we can expeience a state of heaven on earth and a state of hell on earth they are one of the same. I loved it. 

I NEVeR absolutely NEEEVER cried in movies until that sweet baby boy. Now I cry.

I was fine in the movie until the lady below talked a little about loosing her son to death. I know that sounds morbid. I feel like she said exactly what I felt after placement. 

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

It is so true. I remember the next morning after placement and my heart cried as I watched these little kids eating breakfast at a hotel. I cried and cried watching them. Especially the little boy. He was about 3 or 4 and I just thought of my sweet baby. I love him in my arms. It is odd I really didn't want comfort though...

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

I remember playing with my nieces and holding them....

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

I had ice packs on my chest to help from bringing in the milk and I had cabbage leaves down my shirt too...

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

I had bleeding after, of course...

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

It is so odd, now I empathize with people and it brings back memories, flood of them and...

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

That pain has really eased up ever since i started dating my boyfriend, it put a whole new hope in me and the family all going to the temple, that brought some magic. It is scary because the pain is less and less...

I dunno just a thought I wanted to get out. 

I love my Jasper- that is you honey. He is now my baby. He doesn't like it when I tell people he's my baby. He is for me. I wanted someone to love but I needed to love the baby when I was growing him and now I have my big baby Jasper to hold onto. He gets my doors and whispers sweet nothings in my ear.

Love always-

ALICE

PS- Everything I type is STILL raw as a freshly cut onion. So enjoy it. lol

I love all the pro adoption propaganda

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=29697360&nid=148&title=woman-discovers-she-was-adopted-by-relatives-after-meeting-birth-mother&s_cid=queue-6

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I made the book for baby boy this past month and the days I was making it were so exhausting emotionally. Being apart of the life and thinking about baby takes it out of the birth mom.

I think we always saw the side of the adoptive family and I think the birth moms go unseen.

Being apart of the family of your baby is hard for the birth mom... it seems that it is normally the birth mom who says she doesn't want a part of the life anymore. In my mean mind I think that adoptive parents must love that ( not my families because they are rare and gems) but they must think, oh eventually she won't care anymore but really it is that it to hard to care.

In the article above I wish there was more from the birth mom. I am SO biased but I would love to hear her heart.

Placing baby boy was so difficult and I couldn't have done it without knowing in my heart, mind and whole soul that it was meant to be. I even went to the extreme of feeling like I stole the adoptive moms experience to be pregnant because I feel so much that he is supposed to be with his family.

Well, I one haven't changed my feelings about having contact with the family. It is pretty easy 99 percent of the time.

I have been dreaming every night about his mom, dad and him. I get to see him this weekend. I haven't seen him since before St Patty day. CRAY!

BTW I am almost done with the word cray. It is fading out.... lol

Either way adoption is amazing. It is a way that familes are here on earth. It is a way that God saves his little children.

Every time I hear how the adoptive dad does something for baby boy that adoptive mom can't make him do, like laugh or giggle ect I think that is what I gave him. A family unit.

The adoptive mom is wonderful, talented and is so similar to me. I love that about her. She is really different from me in some areas too but for the most part similar. I love it. The mom is so educated and baby boy will be so blessed from her. I am so blessed by her friendship, she is really my friend. I am so lucky to be able to call her and discuss life, same gender attraction for instance. It is SO fun to talk to her. Of course we love baby boy but talking to her about life is just heart melting. We will always be family  ;)

The adoptive dad is charming, sweet and a little less easy to trust. He is a little similar to me too. I love that about him. I think the pair is just wonderful. The dad is so cautious but then again he is a man, rub some dirt in it. He'll be fine.

The baby boy is so strong, he is going to be perfect because of his amazing mommy and daddy! Lucky guy.

Well, I do love life.

They guy I am dating is a dream come true. He is worth everything I have ever learned.

LIFE IS GOOD!

XO

Alice

PS- for every adopted baby that can't find their birth mom, I just want to be their birth mom and tell them how loved they are. She loves you!

Happy 9 months baby boy

I have started to think you won't ever read these baby boy. I feel more and more distant from you ever since I moved away from you . I don't have lunch dates with you and I don't get to kiss you or stop by and see your mom and have her save my day. I miss you dad giving me blessings and I miss your little puppy.

I always wondered how I would feel at 9 months. Honestly it snuck up on me. The past month I kept thinking that you were 9 months soon and bam, it is here. You have now been with me as long as with your parents. Though they get to see you daily.

I have been itching to see you so much. I want to kiss your sweet cheeks and hug you and watch you stare and watch everyone.

YOU ARE SO LOVED, SO WANTED and I am happy for you.

I always wonder what you will one day ask me. I must say, sometimes I am nervous but more then anything the Spirit calms my soul and whispers you will understand.

You are SO loved. I feel it and see it in each video and picture.

I listen all the time to mothers talk about their kids and who was born, my heart gets a little pinch that I don't get to raise you or have those experiences with you and I pray one day I will get to have more kids. I hope you always love me, I will always love you.

Always-

How fitting is this picture. I am your mama on the left. I took you to movies, institute and on walks. Your mom has taken you everywhere with her. She loves you. We both love you baby boy. I am very jealous of mommy on the right sometimes and all the mommys on the right sometimes. I wish I had you to hold, feed, watch, I wish I had a husband and dad to watch love you. Your parents, all of the us love you. You are nurtured beyond belief. Don't you worry. 

Then again- I don't know why but I do know that your are meant to be where you are. 

I love you baby. 

I have my own baby now. He is 6*5 and 265 pounds. He has size 15 feet, he is younger then me and he loves me. I call him baby. He is my baby. He makes me not feel the past and the heart ache, he helps me see the future. I love him. 

Though I have him, I love you too.  

Always, Love mama Alice