I love little baby boy

First, I loved this movie, I really think that there is a Heaven. That there is life after death and that we can expeience a state of heaven on earth and a state of hell on earth they are one of the same. I loved it. 

I NEVeR absolutely NEEEVER cried in movies until that sweet baby boy. Now I cry.

I was fine in the movie until the lady below talked a little about loosing her son to death. I know that sounds morbid. I feel like she said exactly what I felt after placement. 

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

It is so true. I remember the next morning after placement and my heart cried as I watched these little kids eating breakfast at a hotel. I cried and cried watching them. Especially the little boy. He was about 3 or 4 and I just thought of my sweet baby. I love him in my arms. It is odd I really didn't want comfort though...

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

I remember playing with my nieces and holding them....

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

I had ice packs on my chest to help from bringing in the milk and I had cabbage leaves down my shirt too...

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

I had bleeding after, of course...

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

It is so odd, now I empathize with people and it brings back memories, flood of them and...

"for a while pain is all I had of him"

That pain has really eased up ever since i started dating my boyfriend, it put a whole new hope in me and the family all going to the temple, that brought some magic. It is scary because the pain is less and less...

I dunno just a thought I wanted to get out. 

I love my Jasper- that is you honey. He is now my baby. He doesn't like it when I tell people he's my baby. He is for me. I wanted someone to love but I needed to love the baby when I was growing him and now I have my big baby Jasper to hold onto. He gets my doors and whispers sweet nothings in my ear.

Love always-

ALICE

PS- Everything I type is STILL raw as a freshly cut onion. So enjoy it. lol