Happy ten months!

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Yesterday was one of those days to remember. It wasn't painful, it wasn't heart aches, it has been those before but it wasn't. I am so happy with my choice.

Yesterday my coworkers and I gathered around the computer and looked at pictures of baby, me and his birth dad. I have a file of birth dad and in that I have all these pictures of the birth dads family. I think it is safe to say that baby boy looks like me but he really has the body of his birth dad. A strong one at that.

I made a shutterfly book for baby boy. Walking him though the pregnancy and why I chose his family and how God guided me to them and how God still whispers in my heart that is was right.

I am lucky to have the sweetest family too. They are my family, sacred and mine.

This week I stayed with them 4 days lol and it was SO fun. I didn't have time to spend millions of time with them but I did get to see them put baby boy to bed and wake up and play with him in the morning. It was the best gift ever. Simple and sweet.

OH i got the sweetest text from baby boys aunt.

"So I am over at (my sister and bro in laws) babysitting (baby boy). I read your book you made him. Oh my heavens, I just cried and cried and cried some more. (alice) it is so beautiful! He will treasure that forever. You are such a special person."

I have read that text over and over. It meant so much that she would first read the book and then second text me. She is lovely and I think she is the only one who has read it cover to cover. 

It really took A LOT out of me to make the book but it put calmness and strength in me too. I always think about my job or anything, if I were to get in a serious accident how would they know how to do this or how would they know I love them. I have so many memories with that sweet guy. The mama bear in me wants to hold on. It is so hard to let go of each little thing. The only time I had with baby was when I was prego. When I am with him I can't help but think about similarities to when he was in the womb and now. I don't want to say anything in life because i am almost stunned to see that he folds up and sleeps like he must have in the womb. Maybe it is all coincidence too. I dunno, maybe I hold onto silly things for healing reasons? I do get to see him and see little things but mostly I watch from a distance and hear the precious stories. I don't get to see his first anything and I don't know his patterns. I don't know what he loves to eat... or to much detail. I do know quite a bit though. I get to see videos of him talking and playing and loving his life. He is a happy guy. I think if I saw him daily or anything I couldn't emotionally take it. I have to live my own life too. 

I am not sure why I am writing about this...

I feel like my blog is the one place I don't have to hide anything. It is the one place my soul is free to feel and think and do whatever. 

This last week was so fun and felt so good. It was so fun and thank you baby's mom and dad so much for letting me stay. Although I know the dad means well he asked me if I was staying another night every night ahahahhahahahaha he cracks me up.

I loved staying up with my friend and baby boys mom talking about life. 

I love them. 

I loved that when we were putting baby to bed the mom said, you have three parents who love you. We are all here for you (or something like that) If I was emotional then I could have bawled. It was so sweet and kind and pure. 

You do baby boy. You have us, we all love you. 

I see it and I feel it. 

Happy ten months, yesterday. YOU ARE SO BIG AND STRONG> I love it when adoptive mom says this BIIIG and strong. 


They are meant to be. They are all amazing. Baby boy army crawling and talking up a storm. SO fun. Love him and those sweet cheeks. 

XOXOXO

Mama Alice