3145 page views
"I have been thinking of you all week. I wanted to get you a present for Mother's Day but didn't know what to get. I'm bad at gifts. I think you are an amazing mom. Seriously, the most selfless, loving, patient, and generous mom in the world. I really admire you. Honestly. When I think of you as a motherhood I just cry every time. I can't imagine a more Christlike person. Thank you for allowing me to be involved with a small part of your motherhood experience. It means the world to me and taught me many valuable lessons that I could not have learned any other way"
This will always be one of the most thoughtful emails I have ever gotten. It warms my soul from the inside out. I really think about it at least once a month.
This woman is so loving, she is my she daddy. She was there through the thick and then thin.
For kind words I could never repay. I don't really know if they are true but knowing that she thought them that is what warms my soul. She thinks of me as a mom. She learned with me. It makes me think I can be better and be the person that she thinks of.
I have a blanket that I held little baby in when he came home with me and sometimes I can't help but put it next to me and think of him. It isn't just memorable from him it has other memories tied into it but it still means something to me.
I love that little guy who just started walking. He is a dream. He is in my dreams he is part of what helps me not put myself in bad circumstances. I wonder if he will ever really love me but I don't really care anymore. I loved him first. I loved him to make a good home for his body as he grew. I love peeking in on his life. It is great.
I love feeling and thinking. I am happy and calm these days. It is great
;)
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Sunday, August 17, 2014
I don't know what to think
3133 views
Wow, there have been so many views. I don't know who has been reading but I am sure this has been depressing lately because I have been a little cray lately. With the engagement being off and all it has been one of the hardest things I have done but really my life is kinda full of hard things. I am going to get through this though... I get through it all it is one mountain climb at a time.
So about a week ago I went to the library and just as I was checking out it was the birth dad's sister behind the counter. I gave her one look at just headed the other way. Talk about crazy, what do you do in that instance? She seems caught off guard and didn't really look at me when I came back and I got checked out by a guy. I would say she was more uneasy then me. I kept waiting to see her name or something but that was her for sure. I looked like a Saturday morning, wearing my boyfriends brown shirt, jean shorts and shoes. I had my hair all pinned up and just had been on a light walk.
It was SO SO weird. I forget to tell the adoptive family just because it would be nice to know but I haven't. I mean she didn't talk to me but I can't help but wonder what she thinks. Honestly I think either she hates me for giving away her brothers baby or she agrees with me.
I for one am very grateful that they have all done what I asked and respected me and my family and friends by not contacting us. I guess in return i should do the same. I didn't talk to her or anything but being the library by my house i am leery of going again. I guess life lives on.
I hope the birth dad's family understands the why, how and the love for our baby. Although our baby boy is and will always carry attributes like us we don't love another. We didn't really try to. I think we make cute babies but all in all there won't be anymore babies made by the two of us...
I still wish that baby boy could have a sibling but if he doesn't get one, I know he will still be blessed by family and friends around him. He is cute as a button and fun and friendly. He is SO busy.
I think this distant stage has been really awkward for me. The babies mom is busy, we live away from another and thankfully they send me a picture a week and I look forward to it.
I dunno. just boring thoughts today but thoughts none the less.
We aren't ever alone.
Alice
Wow, there have been so many views. I don't know who has been reading but I am sure this has been depressing lately because I have been a little cray lately. With the engagement being off and all it has been one of the hardest things I have done but really my life is kinda full of hard things. I am going to get through this though... I get through it all it is one mountain climb at a time.
So about a week ago I went to the library and just as I was checking out it was the birth dad's sister behind the counter. I gave her one look at just headed the other way. Talk about crazy, what do you do in that instance? She seems caught off guard and didn't really look at me when I came back and I got checked out by a guy. I would say she was more uneasy then me. I kept waiting to see her name or something but that was her for sure. I looked like a Saturday morning, wearing my boyfriends brown shirt, jean shorts and shoes. I had my hair all pinned up and just had been on a light walk.
It was SO SO weird. I forget to tell the adoptive family just because it would be nice to know but I haven't. I mean she didn't talk to me but I can't help but wonder what she thinks. Honestly I think either she hates me for giving away her brothers baby or she agrees with me.
I for one am very grateful that they have all done what I asked and respected me and my family and friends by not contacting us. I guess in return i should do the same. I didn't talk to her or anything but being the library by my house i am leery of going again. I guess life lives on.
I hope the birth dad's family understands the why, how and the love for our baby. Although our baby boy is and will always carry attributes like us we don't love another. We didn't really try to. I think we make cute babies but all in all there won't be anymore babies made by the two of us...
I still wish that baby boy could have a sibling but if he doesn't get one, I know he will still be blessed by family and friends around him. He is cute as a button and fun and friendly. He is SO busy.
I think this distant stage has been really awkward for me. The babies mom is busy, we live away from another and thankfully they send me a picture a week and I look forward to it.
I dunno. just boring thoughts today but thoughts none the less.
We aren't ever alone.
Alice
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