Happy Fathers day

To the sweet baby boys dad!

You are the man that I wanted baby boy to have. You are the man who cares about all the things I would hope for. You are "the man". You do it all and more. I really admire so many things about you as a father and in reality, I couldn't have found someone who loves their wife more too. Though I know your wife better and I am closer to her you were the missing ingredient and made the choice easy. I never had any hesitancy about you being a father and most likely never will. All my health concerns were gone because I knew you would be all over that being a paramedic and all. 

 

 

 

Someday this will be you two.

 

 

I will never forget the time you told me that you are so excited to be a dad and have that boy. You loved giving him kisses and love. You were going to be best friends and getting matching shoes.

 

I wanted to get you matching shoes for Fathers day but I thought you might like the ties. I got you purple because that is my favorite color. Hopefully you can wear them to my wedding. ;)

 

 

 

 

I know this is a little late and I have been thinking of you but I wanted to remember how much I appreciated you.

 

I love you adoptive dad. Thanks for being the best for all of us.

 

XOXO

 

Ma ma Alice

 

 

Adotpion in Utah is changing.

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So many things have changed for adoption in just less then a year. My heart goes out to those adopting, birth moms and all that know them. I was very blessed to have a smooth transition with the Utah Law and really wouldn't have it any other way.

http://www.ksl.com/?sid=30347725&nid=148

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/58079119-78/adoption-lds-services-family.html.csp

http://utahpoliticohub.com/buzz-lds-family-services-getting-out-of-the-adoption-business/


I wonder where the birth moms will be referred to?

From the article I listed above I thought these facts were interesting as a birth mom

1. Thirty years ago, 15 percent of single pregnant teenagers and women chose adoption. Today, it’s 1 percent nationally and perhaps slightly higher in Utah, McConkie said.

One factor is that the social stigma attached to being an unwed mother has evaporated, explained Sherilyn Stinson, field group manager for LDS Family Services. If anything, there is now a stigma attached to putting one’s child up for adoption

"It’s a different world for adoption," she said.

McConkie said many couples will see that it’s cheaper to find a birth mother on their own and have an attorney handle the paperwork.



As a birth mom- I think that most people that talked to me were really supporting me and what I chose to do. I feel like that would be nicer though then going through an agency. I loved my Charity though so I can't imagine having to find a couple on my own.

If any birth moms ever want help or advice from a fellow birth mom- email me. I'll reach out to you.
XOXO

Alice

happy birthday soon baby boy

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Today baby boys mom called me and invited me to the birthday party.

I have been wondering how I will feel on that day. I am done with grieving I think? I haven't really had any hard days since the sealing.

They moved which has been a little strange not knowing where they are and what their house looks like but no different then how I felt when my sister moved and I wanted to see where her girls were sleeping and what it looked like. I guess I feel the same I do about him as I do with the twins. I love them both and want them both happy. I look forward to their birthdays and their happiness. I had baby boy and I think I really care about him and am a little protective of him more then other little babies but the thoughts are very similar. Did my sister put sun screen on the twins, did his mom put sun screen on baby boy? I would never ask but am I curious, yes. It is better to just think things

The one thing that is hard for my future husband is when I say my baby. MY mine... or when I feel protective of him. I have really tried working on say their baby. I want a happy husband. I do feel like he is theirs but I still feel a little bit of mine in there.... I am not sure where the happy medium of that is. I feel the love him of a mother but I don't tuck him in at night and I don't wake up when he cries. I am not or will ever be the mom he wants when he is sad. I am okay with that but I hope that future husband sees that. I think I have written about this before but I still don't know what to think of it. My...baby.... their baby. Both are true?

OTHER THOUGHT

I have always wanted a blue eyed, blonde haired baby. Maybe that is why God gave me that sweet little boy.

My future husband has brown eyes and brown hair, I hope I get another blonde baby. My future husband's sister has blonde hair and blue eyes and so does his dad, so there is a chance.

Having this baby really helped me have my future husband and I am more then grateful for him.

Be grateful for the man or woman who wants to live with you forever. They are special to you. If you have any doubts doubt those doubts. I have not once wanted to break up with my future husband, it has always felt right and the only one time I thought maybe he is to good for me and he deserves someone better then me. Oh insecurities... I could blow them up.


I love, I get scared, I worry, I laugh, I have fun, I scream, I dream, I have nightmares. I have a little boy who doesn't live with me. I am sad and it was a really hard time feeling things and I still am a little sad I don't get him forever with me and I want to feel that. He is a wonderful baby and though I don't get to talk to him yet I feel him in my heart. He is always with me.

I really am so lucky to get to kiss those cheeks and I am grateful for the time I do get to see him.

I am lucky to have a future husband who works through things with me. Who held me all morning before the sealing just cuddled up in his strong arms. I am grateful that he is able to be apart of this and to be my husband. He is thinks so simply and I am grateful for him.

XOXO

Alice.

PS I also want baby boy to be 6*3.. is that to much to ask? Okay at the least I want him as tall as his mom, PLEASE one more thing Heavenly Father? 

pps I feel so good and have healed so much that I feel a little guilty, I think this is normal so I don't read into it but I really want a future birth mom and whoever to know how i felt and I want to remember how i felt.

memories, coming on 11 months

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In a week it will be a year that I found out who baby boy's family was going to be. As it comes up that baby is 11 months on Sunday I am in shock. I wonder what I will think on  July 8th. Oh it is so odd to think about that.

Oh baby boy is almost 1. I remember when my nieces turned one. It felt crazy. They were just walking along the walls and loved their first birthday. It was really cute.

The other night I was thinking about every detail of having him.

It is funny, because I LOVE talking about the birth. My body did that. But I really don't have to many people to talk to about it and when I do I pretend I have never had a baby.

I can't believe that whole night.

I think about the future. What am I supposed to think about?

I dunno- Oh well. I miss living close to them. I miss them these past few days.

I really have seen my growth as I have healed though.

It isn't so bad being a birth mom. I love that little boy so much and soon he isn't going to be a baby! He will be one!!

For now, he is still little at 11 months.

XOXO

Alice