happy mothers day to me

I am going to toot my own horn for a second. Be prepared. 

I get so nervous around my birthday or any holiday. Last year was when I got to take the sacrament and that was the best gift ever. This year I feel like a mom but I don't get thanked, I don't get something from work. Someone asked me who has kids that I know of.... does that mean I am not a mother, you know I had a baby- I am a birth mom. It does make me a little sad and not really know how to feel feeling. I am so grateful for adoptive mom and all she does for little boy and I am SO thankful for my mom too. I can't help but just want to feel a little bit of a pat on the back but I also don't want to expect anything. I don't think I will get any texts or love from anyone. For sure the birth dad isn't going to toot a horn for me.... I don't know. It is kinda awkward. I just try to remember my mom. I love her. She is so wonderful.

I am going to toot my own horn for a second though because I DID DO A LOT FOR A BABY BOY that is here on this earth. I did do a miracle. I did. I am so thankful for everyone in his life and I can't seem to stop thinking about feeling like a mom but nobody recognizing it. 

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2001/11/are-we-not-all-mothers?lang=eng

Are We Not All Mothers?

SHERI L. DEW

Okay I am starting to feel validated and not quite so sad. 

I am so grateful for being able to be a birth mom. Lots of joy has come to my heart. Lots of love has come to me. I for sure don't think it as rewarding as being able to have a baby I take with me and get to see everyday but I am glad that I can bring that love to 2 people times a million. This little guy has helped many lives. He has showed me how to know and choose a husband. I really have this sweet baby to thank for my sweetheart. I know he is to be my husband. I know it. He has helped me so much. I do wish things were fair, but they aren't consequences are real. As my favorite church leader said, your consequence was larger then your sin. I know I am a little funny and different for doing this but I know that I need to do it. I have to. Validation is important to me and I need it, so I don't crash. So I don't let my sadness over take me for feeling like a single mom with no kids.  So I don't forget what I have to be grateful for. Please thank birth moms everywhere. We don't want to be forgotten. Even if it is late, please tell us thank you. We don't get to hear EVER that we have a cute little boy unless we send a picture to our friend. My best friend thank you for telling me that baby boy gets cuter every time you see him. I took a year of my life and now some to think about this little boy. We did many things alone and laying down and sipping on water and trying to sleep through the pain. It was all worth it though. Even just seeing the little glimpse into his life is huge. Seeing the fruit of my labor. 

I am lucky he has amazing parents. Both mother and father.

I think about this quote a lot. This is what the baby gave me. He of course gives me joy but he gives me hope for my life too. 

Hopefully this doesn't come across like I am the biggest brat. Maybe one day I will be embarrassed about this but it is really, how I feel. I have this odd, mother bear ownership feeling stage I am going through.

To all the birth moms I love you.

To all the adoptive moms I love you.

To all that are trying to adopt, keep smiling. I am sure your hurting.

To all those trying to get pregnant. I am wishing, hoping and praying for you. 

Honestly infertility is terrible, I really feel it is one thing that puts birth moms and adoptive moms hearts intertwined.  It isn't fair. Not at all.

I love you that have to listen to the those going through this. Thank you, you are why I make it.  I had to have a list of ten people who could be there for me. 

You have been. 

Thank you.

I love you