38, 39 and catch up

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The last few weeks I have been blessed in bigger ways then I ever have. God really loves His children. He is our father and he loves loves us. He watches out for us and even though sometimes we don't know we just can't know. I am now understanding that things happen and though we want to force things we don't get the chance.

When I was a young college girl I had a friend, I call her my BCF, best college friend. One day she said, Alice I haven't written in my journal all week, have you? I couldn't bare to tell her I just wrote in my journal whenever I wanted and not everyday as she had done for many years so I we got out our journals and started writing away. I couldn't be more emotional healthy with that BCF. I kept a daily journal for the next five years. I also let anyone read it who wanted to read it. I told them if they found something they were offended by then it was their own fault and they should have known what they were getting themselves into. I feel the same way about this blog. If you are reading this and it makes you mad or whatever, stop reading this is my Alice journal. I NEED to write in here to get things emotionally sure.

With that said, I have been writing a weekly journal on Sundays of hard copy because sometimes things just need to be written.

Did I ever write about my friend who placed her baby and let me read her journals, she is lovely. She showed me the path to take. She is now engaged to the man of her dreams and I get to be in her wedding in August. She is someone who will always be close to my heart. She is gorgeous, fun, nurturing. She took me on walks to the store and would carry everything back. She held my hand through so much. I love her. A total side note but have you ever been with someone who gets SO SO much attention from the opposite sex? SHE IS THIS GIRL. She has guys swarming her. They come to her, love her fun self and ask her out or get her number AND she doesn't think anything of it. Just a doll that one. I thought those girls were only in the movies, nope. She is your walking beauty queen.


38 weeks.

Lets see that was June 24th. I was still dilated to a one. I thought for sure I was going to have the baby that week. We didn't check for dilation. That week I got things ready at work and was still having the braxton hicks. I still felt pretty good.

All the people who have been mothers started to notice I was pregnant and asking questions. It was kinda nice. I loved talking to them because the ones who asked loved me and I loved them. My bestie and I did a lot of movie watching in my bed. It got to the point the couch was no longer really comfy and I just wanted to be in my bed. I still felt really good though too.

39 weeks.

I was ready to have the baby. I was contracting more and SO SO uncomfortable. I slept with 7 pillows on my bed. So when I would roll over I could have a pillow for in between my knees, supporting the belly and two for my head, the acid was becoming unbearable.

I was measuring 39 CM on the dot as always. My doctor checked me and I was at a 2. Before she checked me she asked if I wanted to strip my membranes. We stripped them and it was quite the bloody mess. I had a 50 percent chance of having the baby in the next 48 hours. We watched the fireworks on the fourth of July and he didn't budge. I was kinda okay with that because my doctor went out of town and wouldn't be back till Monday and I love my doctor. She is perfect for my many questions. Can I go swimming? Can I float the river? Can I film the birth? How do we dry up the milk? Can I walk to the hospital?

I had done my lamaze classes and my birth plan was to walk to the hospital, get there, be at a 10 get my room and then have the baby. Realistically that wasn't going to happen, I was planning on walking to the hospital and then being in labor for 12 hours and having the baby. No medication and as natural as ever through the vagina.

I started to think, I was never going to have the baby.