one day more, I can wait but remembering is so hard

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So the person that connected me to baby boys family has cancer. Last night I stayed in the hospital with her. I got in her bed, got woken up every two hours and I dreams of you baby boy. I feel the sadness and the joy all over again of having you cute guy. I wish I was spoiled to live close to you or to at least be able to go back in time and hold you. I will never forget the moments having you and I wish so badly I could have you again for a few days. Those were divine. My body felt like death but I was SO overjoyed to have you. You were my little prize.

The other day I went to the grocery store and there was a mother there with her new born and I turned and was like your baby is so darling and she let me look at her little baby full of hair and honestly I just wanted to hug her and tell her to enjoy the moments she has with her baby. I don't think I was jealous but looking forward to my one day that I get to have my baby to go to the grocery store with.

I am also sad about loosing my fiancé  with that because I thought the road would be closer but little boy you are always in my thoughts.

I am grateful for all the thoughts and loves I get.

Honestly, I am in SUCH a good place. It is normal to want a family and it is normal to miss your baby. Life isn't perfect but after I click out of this post I will have a normal night and go to sleep because I am beyond tired. My friends friend is sleeping over and I am so glad because I have someone to clean for, and listen to the help.

baby boy- thanks for your sweet kisses and I am so grateful for an open adoption. I miss baby you but I love you and can't wait to see what one more day will bring to you!

From a distance but from the heart,

Alice