31 weeks and 4 days

658 posts

quick post

Good news- I will be meeting with my stake president for the remainder of my time through this healing. I am just thrilled. Tonight is my first appointment with him.

I have to add this. I understand why people get offended and leave the church. First my first bishop tells someone and that really hurt. I move to a family ward and then can't get in contact with anyone, bishop, appointment's setter upper, relief society... trying everything. I was going to church but it is embarrassing to try to call some one and they finally they thought I should be in the singles ward and thought i was just calling the wrong number. AWESOME. Then told the bishops wife after she didn't call me back I called her again and said I am single and pregnant and really need to talk to the bishop. Started meeting with him 2 weeks later. Then we met and then he couldn't meet for 3 so 3 weeks later on an important meeting he didn't even set the appointment in his calender and he didn't tell me that we were canceling. I just never felt important to him. He kept making excuses for why we couldn't get my life on a plan and why we couldn't do such and such. IT WAS SO HARD! This is vague but i have to respect him. I know he is a good man just not perfect. I sustained him in ward conference and I stand by my word. It is easy to get offended and leave the church. Satan wants us to do that. Unfortunately that isn't my challenge. I love the church. I love my Lord. He loves me and although I have no control except to keep going on my end. I still can have the Lord with me. He loves me and He loves you. He doesn't want us to feel neglected or forgotten. He has been neglected and forgotten. He was forgotten when He was on the earth and He is forgotten by us here on the earth. May I not ever forget Him.

Baby- He is an acrobat, or at least that is what he feels like in my belly. He wakes up 11-12 and 5-6 and swims or flies. I am not sure which. Either way he loves the belly and still loves baths and showers in the womb.

Me, physically- first stretch mark. It is on my underwear line so not even on my belly but it is there Nice and proud.

Me, emotionally- I am sure things happen for a reason but not knowing the future is a delicate situation. My life is up to judges and people who don't know me. How can this be? I think they should do emotional testing and everything that they have adoptive couples go through. It isn't cool. Not one bit.

Me - Work- I have been working 6 days a week 10 hour days. ROUGH and TOUGH! I am sure things will work out but

 I asked for a blessing last night, just needed some peace and in it there were interesting things said. Sometimes what people do to affect our lives is a challenge and a heart ache and wakes us up for hours in the night.

I still feel like I have NO CONTROL. Either baby goes to a family who isn't perfect but very close and I watch the baby be raised or I single parent and put the baby in day care and then the baby doesn't love me as much as he loves the day care and dropping him off would be HEART BREAKING for me. Then if the dad is put in custody by the state then I have to worry as he has him. No control. Of course I feel the best about the family, because it is the most logical and feels the best for the baby.