The power of writing and reading and life

I have a friend at work (she works 2 hours north of me and we email)who opened up to me and told me some intimate details about her life. I am always skeptical about sharing this blog but I sent it to her.  I didn't know if she would read it or not but I trust her and think she is an awesome girl. I feel like we are more pen pals but I really like her.

I hadn't heard from her so I wrote her this morning,

"I hope you are doing well today and I didn’t overwhelm you!"

She wrote me back and said

No! You didn’t… I read your whole blog last night ( really, ALL of it!!! ). My heart broke for you. I am so so sorry L That was so brave of you to do that. I couldn’t.. I tried, but I just couldn’t.( personal stuff....)My husband, yes, I met him 7 years ago, my daughter was 3, turning 4. He has adopted my daughter, since her dad didn’t really care one way or another. I know you will find someone who will look at you and love you for all you are and have done, and for all that it taught you.

 

I don't think people realize, excuse me, I don't think I realize the power of this blog and the power of writing. Sometimes I do wonder

I wrote her back....

I can’t help but love you. I am so shocked and amazed, you read all of it. haha Yes, (my X) and I broke up basically because of it but I love my little sweet boy and my adoption but I also have challenging times. I am dating a new guy and it is really good. He has a kid but it is pretty good. I hope it isn’t too depressing haha ;) I LOVE your husband for being such a MAN! That is great. I just want you to write your story- it is incredible! I am going to blog about you reading the blog is that okay?

She wrote back

Hahaha, yes it is okay. It wasn’t depressing, I saw so much of my own feelings from the beginning , or before I decided I couldn’t do an adoption. But the fear I felt in the beginning, all the same thoughts.. So much pain involved… You will have challenging times, I am sure, but you did what you did because you decided that was best for the baby at the time, and that is anything but selfish, because you knew you would feel that void your whole life but you still wanted him to have an amazing life. And that is beautiful. (my X) is a jackass if he cant see that! But, if it makes you feel better, my husband and I broke up three times within a year of dating because it was hard for him, not because he didn’t love me or thought  less of me, but because he was afraid of being a dad, and he was afraid that all the pain I had gone through would hurt us but things feel into place, and I know it will for you, because the right guy may be scared, but he will want you anyways!


I am just beyond feeling loved and validated. It is truly amazing how just the written word can mean so much. SHE READ MY WHOLE BLOG! I have 69 views from her yesterday. I just thought nobody really cared, or at least I think sometimes nobody cares about me. I care so why wouldn't others?
I really love my little boy and of course I will feel the pain of not having him the rest of my life, yesterday was one of those days... I just wish he needed me... he doesn't. He has lovely parents who God lead me to and I choose for them. My little heart walks on the outside of my body and GOSH HE IS PERFECT. I am just as those moms on facebook and social media and think my little boy is perfect. He is. He is mine and is someway, he is mine forever.

I love my coworker for being so great.

 

This image really spoke to me. Here I am writing and I truly feel like I see this in my writing.

 

ISN'T this powerful?

 

 

This song just popped up on my Pandora- wow

 

You know, my friend died and I wish I could read her every thought, I bet only a handful of people really care about all these things but those that do care, I hope it is helping you and I do care about you like the song below.

 

 

 

 

"All About You"

Why does she make sure to be so immature about these things, I don’t want you to change around it
And sometimes this love will end and all will be forgotten then someday we will laugh about it
And you say that it's alright
And I know that it’s a lie
From the black in your eyes

You don’t have to do this on your own
Like there’s no one that cares about you
You don’t have to act like you're alone
Like the walls are closing in around you

You don’t have to pretend no one knows
Like there’s no one that understands you
I’m not just some face you used to know
I know all about you

And you should know that someone cares about you
I know all about you

Here I am still holding on you’re finding ways to break the bonds, they’re stronger than you realize
You could say that I’ve not tried, I’ve let you down, left you behind but you’re the one who’s saying goodbye
And you say that it's alright
And I know that it’s a lie
From the black in your eyes

You don’t have to do this on your own
Like there’s no one that cares about you
You don’t have to act like you're alone
Like the walls are closing in around you

You don’t have to pretend no one knows
Like there’s no one that understands you
I’m not just some face you used to know
I know all about you

And you should know that someone cares about you
I know all about you
And you should know that someone cares about you
I know all about you

And you say that it's alright
And I know that it’s a lie
From the black in your eyes

Here I am still holding on you’re finding ways to break the bonds, they’re stronger than you realize
And you could say that I’ve not tried, I’ve let you down, left you behind but you’re the one who’s saying goodbye

And you don’t have to do this on your own
Like there’s no one that cares about you
You don’t have to act like you're alone
Like the walls are closing in around you

You don’t have to pretend no one knows
Like there’s no one that understands you
I’m not just some face you used to know
I know all about you
I know all about you