An Adoption Poem

I saw this on pinterest when I was feeding little E (my baby with my husband) and I couldn't help but screen shot it and send it for Alice to write about. It is so weird being on this side of adoption from where I use to be. I use to hate adoption. I had negative feelings towards it. I only knew a handful of people really in it and none were open and they weren't really good. Yet I specifically remember in high school learning about it in health class and learning about surrogates and thinking how I would for sure do that for someone (my goodness is being prego tough and my husband doesn't want me to do it because of our marriage ahahah I am quite moody as a prego and I want 4 kids 5 pregnancy's so by then i will be too old anyways) but I remember reading this and this is too wordy but it is my preface or addtion to that picture above. I remember reading that poem and thinking how lucky I am that I am so sure that my baby's sweet mama truly feels like this or so I hope because I never want to offend anyone and i don't want anyone taking it wrong.... blah. 

Okay so I love that I can feel only happiness when I read this. Pure happiness. 

Second thing- what we watch, listen to and are friends with DO affect us. 

I just saw this movie and now I see everything from the views of a mother and I will have to say this movie was a good one and I don't want to ruin it for anyone but that is that. 

Third-

I don't know why I am going through so many emotions or thoughts (all good) but it is just exciting to have another join the family but I have to say this over and over. No regrets. I am SO SO SO SO happy with everything. My husband, drives me nuts. Our sweet baby, drives me nuts. His daughter and my step daughter drives me nuts but I couldn't be the mother I am today without the husband that I have. I could never be the mother I am to our son that I could have been to the baby I placed for adoption that Summery day. I would be a mess and though I had things in order in my life I didn't have a father for my baby that would love me, support me, do ALL the bottle and pump dishes, I wouldn't have a garage or someone to carry in ALL the groceries EVERYDAY and I wouldn't have a husband that rubs my feet or teases me or holds the baby for an hour plus and gives me a break, I wouldn't have a man that kisses me or snores in bed like he is doing now. Being pregnant and single was tough. I had lips that bled because I was so sick and I had TOUGH times being alone with that but that wouldn't compare to what I would be doing now. 

For me, I am a better mother because of the husband that hugs me and kisses me and prays with me. 

I support EVErYONE and the choices that they feel they should do is right in their deepest part of their hearts but God spoke to me. He spoke quietly as He whispered in my mind I wonder about them... I wonder how they would feel about adoption. I went to her (adoptive mommy's) facebook many times to see any signs of it. I saw her share a thing on 1 in for 4 families have conception challenges and I remember going to that a few times to see her posts or comments but there wasn't anything. I was scared to ask her about it because I didn't want to offend her. I remember our AMAZING friend told her the morning of that I wanted to ask her about how they felt. that June day before Fathers day. (awful timing for the second family I chose but perfect timing for the family that little man went to too) God works in mysterious ways.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

I feel terrible at times for people and want to save them but they are saved. Thank you sweet Jesus, my brother, my friend and my beloved. 

I am a natural believer in Him. The world doesn't make sense without Him for me. I know He lived on earth, He atoned for us and He died and was resurrected. He is there, thinking and writing this I feel the warmth in my bosom. 

Hilary Weeks - He'll Carry You

rry You

He knows your heart
He knows your pain
He knows the strength it took just too simply breathe today
He sees the tears that you cry
He knows your soul is aching to know why
He hears your prayers each humble word
When you said you couldn't face another day he understood
He knows the path that you will find
Though you felt alone he's never left your side
Chorus:
He knew there'd be moments when no earthly words
Could take away your sorrow
And no human eyes could see what you're going through
When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you
He'll bring you peace and leave you hope
And in the darkest night he'll comfort you
Until you know the sun will rise and each new day
You will have the strength to live again
Chorus:
And when there are moments when no earthly words
can take away your sorrow
And no human eyes could see what you're going through
When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you
He hears you when you're crying in the night
He hears you when your soul longs to find
Till the morning will come
And the light of the dawn reassures
Chorus:
That in the moments when no earthly words
can take away your sorrow
And no human eyes could see what you're going through
When you've taken your last step and done all that you can do
He will lift your heavy load and carry you



He hears you when you're crying in the night
I sing this one line to myself.... I hear it in my mind, God sings it to me a little different then this song, more firey and passionate but I love it. HE HEARS YOU.

A few years ago my best guy friend and I were on a walk in St George and I threw my hands in the air with frustration and yelled TAKE ME NOW. I was at a low point in my life. We laugh about it then and now and I am so glad He didn't take me. Hang in there, the road is long but it is SOOO worth it. All trials lead to something better. SOme I am still waiting for the light but it will come, it always has for me looking back.

XOXO

MAMA ALICE

Oh and dearest sweet July baby boy- You melt my heart. I love that sweet voice of yours and I can't help but love you, all of you. You will be the BEST brother ever. I will never forget the love you had for your half baby brother and saying you were excited to give him hugs and kisses (all the while his half sister and my step daughter was saying he could sleep in the trash can, don't worry she has warmed up to him) but you will really be the best older brother. You are tough, strong, loving and you will be the best brother she could EVER have. I just know it. Thanks for being the spirit you were before this life and thanks for taking the moments to grow. You are blessed with great parents on this earth that LOVE you beyond doubt. I talked to your dad today and he just LOVES you. I talked to you today too and I just LOVE your voice. I talked to your mommy and she just loves her family. I can't wait to one day see you have a family and see who you become. There are hardships in our lives but really your life is so good in that car bed Mr Cutie. I LOVE YOU Baby boy