The basics

I knew I should have had a period by November first. I knew it and my body knew it. I didn't though. I had all the signs; sorest boobs, cramping and the mood swings. No period came. I had told my guy friend everything. He thought I was pregnant. I told him no way. There was no way.

Day 4
Day 5
Day 6
Day 7

We went shopping on November 7th and I looked at the price of a pregnancy test. I thought it was WAY to much, who would spend 9 dollars on this!? Dropped him off with his groceries  Went to the dollar store. Bought one. Came home. I was going to prove my guy friend wrong. I couldn't be pregnant.

It came out positive.

Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh~ That is all i could say for the next 2 hours

I texted John, Hey are you busy, I have something very crazy to talk to you about.
his response, How crazy?
my response, very crazy, i have missed my period so I took a pregnancy test and it came out positive.

I went to Walgreen's and bought 6 more. Thirty dollars was nothing to spend if I was really wasn't prego! First 3 tests positive, John was on the phone with me at the time, i told him I was going to take another and he said he couldn't handle the suspense. We hung up and said we would talk later again.

The guy friend came over I convienced him to take a prego test. All 6 of mine were positive and his was negative.

The next day John had texted me, he wanted to confirm with a doctor.

I called the doctor and basically if you aren't on the HGC diet then that confirms it.

Grrrrrr

How could this be. With John of all people. We had met 6 years ago and now just one night of seeing another this was the result. He was the worst person I could have ever chosen to do this with. After talking to him for a few weeks. We both didn't want to marry another and though he doesn't know, I am seeking adoption.

He told me that he doesn't want to hear from me unless I miscarry or until the baby is here and there is a paternal test taken. John is the worst.

I met with an agency a few weeks ago.

The two ladies I met with answered a million questions and were so supportive of me. They seemed to have my back and want to do all they can to support me. They told me they wouldn't be meeting with me but that they would setting me up with another lady who was awesome.

Can I also say being pregnant is awful? People really don't know how awful it is.

It is AWFUL! I feel horrible, I am nauseated 24/7. I have lost 15 pounds. I can't stand to eat. I throw up if I smell Mexican food. Even now I am getting sick just thinking about it. I have been trying to find tricks to help me cope. I am taking promethazine, it usually helps. I take it every 6 hours. The last 30 minutes I can feel it wearing off and then it takes about 30 minutes for it to kick in. So, for that hour I am on death row, I want to lay down and just not move.

I hate the grocery store. Every time I go I feel like I am going to die. There are SO many smells. SO many. I have thrown up after going there and then that is all the food I ate and all the water I have drank so I have to force it all down again.

I don't want to tell ANYONE! I was a virgin before this and now I am not.

I have told the guy friend. I have told my best friend. I then told my cousin and spouse.

Why am I telling you?

I love to write and I would have loved to read this a year ago. It may never go public or I might go private but these are things I wish I could tell everyone because going through this is hard.

I feel like the most unloved person. I feel like I should be shunned. I feel like nobody should have to be around me and my influence. That part is starting to wear off now that I have known for a month and one day. I feel like I will be loved again and I have hope.