Hard news

My mom calls this a mountain. 

It is a mountain I choose to climb when I met up with John and did things with him that made a baby. FIRST TIME (baby just push higher then I have ever felt before, like on the right side of my rib. What is he a giant?! Oh my!)

This past week has been kinda hard. I sent this to my friend:

"It's going to happen. I don't think i better go out in public anymore.  I must be showing and when people find out and don't come to me and say hey i am sure your going through a hard time, how can i help it's like automatically I think they must think what a slut or whatever else. So so painful.  I just feel so hopeless and empty"

My friend wrote me back...

"Just got your text.  Once I find out some one knows I talk to them about it.  Pain never goes away you just learn to cope and it doesn't bother you any more"

My C family also wrote me back. I won't put it in here verbatim but this is what I felt.

Alice, it isn't he business of whoever finds out. You are our hero and we couldn't be a family of four without you. 


I love that. 


Yesterday the baby daddy John wrote. He said that he wants to take responsibility and either do 50 50 or take the baby and raise him alone. He doesn't want to place the baby for adoption.

I think baby needs to know that his birth dad wants to be there for him.

That's all.

Alice -