POST 30, 23 WEEKS

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The baby is getting bigger, I feel him more and I like that I can feel him more, not that he is making  my tummy bigger. Sleeping is less comfortable but I am sleeping through the night. Last night I was at a friends house watching a movie and I just couldn't get comfortable. This guy friend I just told on Sunday and he has had A LOT of insight and being a libertarian he doesn't want me taking away Johns rights. Either way it doesn't matter what I think. I have told John and that choice is up to him. Some birth moms don't even tell their significant other. They just keep it to themselves.

Birth dad stories.

Friend is pregnant with her boyfriend after the first time and he doesn't ejaculate, ,miracle. They make plans to have a life together and raise the baby as a couple. He cheats on her and leaves her at 8 months pregnant. She places the baby to a wonderful family.

Friend is pregnant with boyfriend and then she tells him she is pregnant and he never talks to her again and she places the baby.

Friend is pregnant and never tells birth dad, she places that baby.

Friend is pregnant and the mom or grandma is so excited she raises as a single parent.

Friend is pregnant and then doesn't know if she wants to single parent of place and she has a still born. at 21 weeks.

For the most part, most birth dads don't do their part. It is heart wrenching and disappointing. It is also a stigma.

ALL, ALL of these girls love the baby's. I wouldn't say this is a matter of giving away a baby or whatever. That is not what it is about what so ever. I don't think people realize that there is a chemical that is released in your body that is FORCING you to connect to this baby. I never, ever want to hear from anyone who has been placed that their birth mom doesn't love them or just whatever. She did what she knew was best in her heart. I never want to hear a baby that has been raised by single parents that she was selfish in not placing him or her into another home. I never want to hear that. It will crush me because growing a baby in my tummy for myself to parent or to place is very difficult and the worst pain anyone can say is I don't want to be a mother.

Being a mother is what I was put on earth to do. Why else are bunnies bunnies, and birds, birds. Procreation. It is was in the bible we have been commanded to do. In the bible we are also commanded to be married, which is something that we all seek is a companion. Companionship is the most desirable thing as I am pregnant and single. It is also chemically what we have been destined to do.

I threw up this morning, it was really gross. It was just the nastiest throw up ever. All stomach acid and it was a good 10 times. Saturday I threw up all my breakfast too.This isn't an easy thing. IT IS DIFFICULT!

23 weeks, people still don't notice or ask or wonder if I am a prego. It is really nice that I can still see my friends and family and don't have to worry about telling them or talk to them about it. It is just such a private matter and it is with me and the Lord.

XOXO

Alice