not talking bad, 23 weeks, 4 days

Good morning! 

I love life. I love everything about it. I know that God loves me. I know if I am to come back to Him I have to go through the right steps and I know that I can do this! 

I have been doing a lot of pondering about placement and single parenting because the birth father wants to share custody or he wants sole custody. It makes a person think and that is good, to think that is. I should think about every possible out come. 

Oh and that brings me to not talking bad. I should never talk bad about anyone, I don't want this baby to ever have anything bad about the birth dad or birth mom.One that is his genes and I don't want him to think, am I going to be like blank like my birth dad is or blank like my birth mom is. He isn't going to be perfect and he will have his own share of blank.  Is it easy to not talk bad about someone, no? Even if it is true.

 I have been thinking this is something that I need to start now with everyone I talk to and about. This baby is making me into such a better person. I really wish that my parents had done that, not talked bad about the other. I was talking to my friend about this yesterday and he has never heard his father talk bad about his mom and visa versa. It also bothers his dad to go out in public or with other friends and hear them talk poorly about their spouse. I really like that. Marriage is a private relationship and I should start doing that now. With everyone so I can have the healthiest children with my honey bunny and of course baby boy is the reason I am changing myself to do this, thanks baby pop rocks.  

I have also been thinking about how wonderful the family is that I have chosen. We have an open honesty that I really appreciate and I trust them. 

I am starting to get a belly. Not so awesome because my skin feels so tight... like I could poke it with a needle and POP out comes baby pop rocks and all my inners. I have a belly button phobia and whenever people touch my belly button or their own I feel like their innners are going to pour out. Not a good phobia and mostly nobody touches my belly button so that is also good. 

Yesterday I got to hear from a girl that doesn't know if she wants to place or single parent. She is 16 or 18 weeks and I just feel for her. That is so tough. I want to write her a letter, but she doesn't really know me. I think I still will. Either way, I am SO happy for her and wish her the best of luck and she finds what is right for her and her baby. 

Alice