dear second family

as we know nothing was perfect but I thank you for all you did for me. For giving me hope and love. for praying and fasting. I am thankful for everything.

I wish you could see my heart. I wish you could know and understand. I just am not perfect. Things I did at the end were not what a perfect person would do but the end result was perfect. I hope you know that. I hope and pray that you will have your baby, I pray that you can have him with your body and if not that you will find that special someone who needs you and who the Lord ties your hearts too.

I feel sad about what happened and i am starting to grief that as i have grieved my baby and placing him. I know that this earth is beautiful and hat sometimes things aren't fair. Just as it isn't fair that on my first time I got prego and that it was with someone who didn't want to take a chance one me. It isn't fair that there is infertility, it isn't fair I don't have a husband who loves me and holds me at night or holds my hand. It isn't fair that I give birth and feel so absolutely right about placing my son into another family to grow up without me.

Life isn't fair. You are absolutely right and what you wrote on your facebook about me wasn't fair either.

Who I choose and what I chose for my son is my business and you didn't deserve anything more then that. The entire time you knew that things could change and if I was meant to single parent you were okay with that but you weren't okay with him going into the family Heavenly Father choose for him or that the baby choose.

I had to delete you from facebook because it was to hard. I couldn't see that you were writing about me, blogging about me and such. I think in a different world we will be able to be freinds again but this is to much.

I wonder if you read this blog or if you laugh when I am sad or cry when I am sad. I wonder if you think I am a terrible person and yet none of that matters.

The Lord matters. I need to soften my heart for the Lord.

I truly truly want the best for you.

I hope you don't go through anymore heart ache but sometimes that is what we have to go through. It is what the lord wants for us.

You once posted this and I couldn't help but think of this every time.

http://youtu.be/Rr8xvw0cgw0

"May God sustain you in your striving to meet His high expectations and grant you a full measure of the happiness and peace that naturally follow. I know that you and I can become one with God and Christ. Of our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son and the joyous potential we have because of Them, I humbly and confidently bear witness in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

“As Many as I Love, I Rebuke and Chasten”

D. TODD CHRISTOFFERSON

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles