man of steel

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I shouldn't be shocked that I didn't get any emails as in my last request to know if I am helping anyone. I guess I am not and that is okay. This blog helps me well enough for all of us.

My poor sister read it and said how said she was for me. I was going through a TOUGH time. I keep saying I should go through a tough time and I should feel these hard things.

I AM SERIOUSLY so happy though. I am very blessed right now and I think that I went through some past few years of heart ache that I am either going through a hard time and I just don't know it because the other things were so hard it was INSANE or I am just going through the calm before the storm.

Tonight I went to man of steel and as much as I loved it, it being about adoption I though about how I died on Krypton and sent my son to earth for him to have other parents. (there were tender parts and it may have been one of the first movies I cried in) I loved that he loves his parents on earth and wanted to know his parents on Krypton.

Dear baby,

I PROMISE I did everything for you to know that you would be in the best place possible. I don't think that this life is going to be easy but this life is just what we are suppose to have in it. I promise, if there was a way that I could keep you and know that it was right I would have. You being with your mom and dad is the best thing that I could do for you and it is EXACTLY what God wanted for you. Even writing this now I feel is so strong in my heart.

You are nothing slight of being a miracle child. You are. You are my dream. When you stayed with me the 3 days and nine months before I was in heaven. I was seriously so happy. We were buddies and you were never far from me. When we slept at my house the first night you slept on my right and i just held you. Sometimes I will put a pillow there and pretend it is those first few days and that you are still with me.

Other times I look at the picture of Jesus in my room and you have the same one and I think of how you can see it just like I can.

I know your mommy and daddy love you. You are just who they need. They are just complete for you.

My hear it burning with love for you, your mom, your dad and your future siblings. It burns for the future wife you will have, the future family you will have and the future love you will give to the Lord.

You have always been on the Lords side.

When you were in my belly you loved all the church things we would go to. I felt it so so strong. You have a spirit that loves the Lord. Stay by Him.

I might not have all the answers but the Lord does and in time He will answer you.

I love you forever and with each visit I see you I love you more and more.

With love in my heart.


Your mama Alice.