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I can't wait till I can say all the heart ache is behind me.
I don't know what it is but this week is a very very hard week. I usually love my institute class. I didn't and couldn't go. I laid in my bed and just took off all my clothes and sulked. I thought of every sad depressing thing and texted people and some texted back but then I had had it. I called a girl friend and we went to a movie at 6:40 PM. It did help.
I think I need to get another blessings. I just feel ill on the inside. I feel like all hope is lost. I don't have a reason anymore. I feel like I keep trying to pretend I have things going on and making myself busy but really what an empty life if I don't have anyone to share it with.
FIRST comes your husband then your children. That's what we learned about in my church class this month.
I don't have either. I am a single mom with no children. It is so sad. It is truly heart breaking.
I am in no place to meet someone when I feel like this. It takes all my energy to get out of bed in the morning these days. Something is wrong with me but I just keep trying to fight it off.
For a long time now I call my mom at 8:30 when I am up and going to work.
Do I go to work out of duty these days? I do love my job but this old worker that I fired last month wrote some nasty things that I just can't get out of my head.
I keep trying to distract my mind. Now I am done doing that. I just want to be sad. I want to be sad I don't have a family. I want to be sad that people don't like me. I want to be sad. So I will.
Unfortunatelyw I am not good at just laying around at home and i tend to get out and do things to make myself happy again although I don't enjoy doing it at first. I keep getting my hopes up to just have them crushed.
Nobody likes me. I really think I am good at making things appear how I want them to appear.
today has been a tough day.
My spirit is just sad and so is my body.
These hormones making me want to physically be close to someone and hold someone and be held are just TOOOO much!
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Halloween
page views 2045
I am not sure but I am just thinking and thinking of all these things to put in my blog but I don't want to write them in my real person blog. They are deep. It is like my heart is confused where to put them because these thoughts aren't really things to do with the baby but now I have been merging ALice and the real me. It is as if they are joining and they are hitting another over and over again.
a few thoughts and I am not sure if I can go deeper into them but here they are, I hope I can either write a whole post about them or just get it out on here so I can stop thinking about it.
I am not sure but I am just thinking and thinking of all these things to put in my blog but I don't want to write them in my real person blog. They are deep. It is like my heart is confused where to put them because these thoughts aren't really things to do with the baby but now I have been merging ALice and the real me. It is as if they are joining and they are hitting another over and over again.
a few thoughts and I am not sure if I can go deeper into them but here they are, I hope I can either write a whole post about them or just get it out on here so I can stop thinking about it.
- I want to think of what the adoptive mom goes through. i want to feel her and what I mean is take all the pain away so she doesn't have to but I know it is healthy to..... and know how she feels each month that she has her period and isn't prego, I want to feel her as her heart breaks when she sees a mom breast feeding her child. I want to feel her as she looks at her baby boy and he doesn't look like a carbon copy of her. (he doesn't look like me either, he is his own now, in my eyes) I want to be with her and watch her as she wakes up with her little boy and I want to hear her thoughts. I want to be with her as she defends me and and tells people I am not a slut and every other degrading name. I want to be with her as she gets to have her baby and have him teach the lesson of love
- I want to be everyone's birth mom. It breaks my heart to hear about birth moms. I want to hug everyone and tell all adoptive children how much they are loved. I LOVE YOU ADOPTIVE children. I loved you before I ever got prego but I feel like you need to know. I want you and you are LOVED times a million by me.
- I dreamt about baby and his mom. I really am grateful for that. I know she will read this eventually but I want everyone to know and I want to remember. It is HEARTBREAKING when you are counting on seeing your baby and then plans fall through and you aren't invited to see them anymore. I am still kinda crushed about it but to prideful to say anything and I want to respect their time to bond and love another and I don't want to cross boundaries.
- I have crossed my line with men twice this year and within two weeks of another and I am weak. I can't get it out of my head and I feel sick about it. I can't forgive myself and I feel terrible.
- I am through thinking about last year. It has left me. I am not sure why but I am SO grateful.
- I found a new guy friend who doesn't know about baby and he won't touch me. He said he won't for 3 months and I LOVE it. We are purely friends.
- We are going to put the baby in a pumpkin. I can't wait
- Part of me wants to feed the man and go wild and jump the fence but the commandments is what makes me free
- DON'T EVER BREAK THE LAWS GOD HAS GIVEN US. I want to write a whole post for this. I am not ready though . Today I almost convinced myself I had chlamydia. I don't. I haven't been naked with a guy since I got prego and he wasn't even naked. (am I to honest, yes! It is the Alice telling all)
- I think about if I have forgiven the birth dad. I think I named him John. I am not sure if I have or not.
- I dream about the day I babysit the baby and have a party after baby is adopted finally.
- I need to get to know the baby dad better. I want him to trust me and know my heart.
- I need to heal of men.
- I need to have a better love for myself.
- Happy birthday today to my best guy friend I love him and think of him all dad.
- Part of me thinks about being babies mom or a babies mom.... it is kinda sad not being a mom
- My cousin who said she was heart broken after I told her about baby
- Time heals all
- Porn is annoying and I wish so badly for those who are the porn stars that their hearts may be healed and those who are vigorously addicted they may have a rest from the chains satan has bound them with, all over their spirit. covered!
- I don't like to give satan credit
- I have a body and this is my test, I WILL MASTER IT eventually
- I am alone and I have a pillow to hug at night, nothing else
- Last night I met a guy who was so respectful and gave me hope. we sat up while we cuddled. SO INNOCENT! Love that
- I think i have mentioned everything
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
thoughts and deep in them too
2004 views
I have been getting phantom kicks. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I get them and it makes me kinda sad.
Today i saw the baby.
He is so cute and fell asleep in my arms. It was lovely.
In the womb I use to rub his right foot and I love to rub it to calm him down. I also love to rub his forehead. I use to rub my belly a lot and I love to touch him. After I go see him I want to hold and hug something. My wonderful asistant is tolerant of this.
Today was a great visit. It was so much like seeing a friend. Both of them.
I went to my church class tonight. I am still so stuck on my sin of last year but this past Sunday I went to a really great meeting called a fireside. It was amazing. It made me feel so much like, I can do this. I can forget. I will forget. I have started a new path.
Something I REALLY like what he said was when we break the Law of Chasity we are dis respecting marriage.
This makes me so very sad with myself and very happy with the understanding that this is what is going on.
My problem is breaking the of Chasity is my sin. It is something that Satan tempts me with. When I go to weddings or spend time with couples who are happy. I want and drive fore the PHYSICAL affection that comes from being married.
I easily can be satisfied. By doing physical things with guys who don't matter to me emotionally. But when it comes to guys I really want a future with I am more so careful, not always as of lately.
I cuddled with a guy I really care about. He has a house, cars, great job, wonderful emotional connection. The problem I have with him is I don't know what is wrong with him.
My mom is calling me.
Well, I don't respect marriage. gotta jet
I love you each, Alice
I have been getting phantom kicks. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I get them and it makes me kinda sad.
Today i saw the baby.
He is so cute and fell asleep in my arms. It was lovely.
In the womb I use to rub his right foot and I love to rub it to calm him down. I also love to rub his forehead. I use to rub my belly a lot and I love to touch him. After I go see him I want to hold and hug something. My wonderful asistant is tolerant of this.
Today was a great visit. It was so much like seeing a friend. Both of them.
I went to my church class tonight. I am still so stuck on my sin of last year but this past Sunday I went to a really great meeting called a fireside. It was amazing. It made me feel so much like, I can do this. I can forget. I will forget. I have started a new path.
Something I REALLY like what he said was when we break the Law of Chasity we are dis respecting marriage.
This makes me so very sad with myself and very happy with the understanding that this is what is going on.
My problem is breaking the of Chasity is my sin. It is something that Satan tempts me with. When I go to weddings or spend time with couples who are happy. I want and drive fore the PHYSICAL affection that comes from being married.
I easily can be satisfied. By doing physical things with guys who don't matter to me emotionally. But when it comes to guys I really want a future with I am more so careful, not always as of lately.
I cuddled with a guy I really care about. He has a house, cars, great job, wonderful emotional connection. The problem I have with him is I don't know what is wrong with him.
My mom is calling me.
Well, I don't respect marriage. gotta jet
I love you each, Alice
Monday, October 21, 2013
heart of ache
1986 views
I have a cousin who I am pretty close to and was through the pregancy. We talked and we visted another, we went shopping, we went to Christmas festivities. We had fun. We laughed we talked. I have been closer to the spirit since May I would say and whenever he tells me to tell people I do.
Yesterday I told my cousin. She is older then me and opened up about some things and I got this STRONG, nervous feeling I should tell her. I did. I cried as I told her. It was very painful. I should have told her over the phone. It was SO HEAVY for her and it still is uncomfortable.
The things she said that keep going through my brain.
"Alice, I didn't think you would ever do something like this"
"I am sorry you had to go through that. "
"I love you and this doesn't change how I feel about you"
"I just want to give you a hug"
She was STUNNED. She was shocked. It was uncomfortable the rest of the day.
My friend made a good point and said, think of it this way, you will never have to tell her again.
I think why I am so stumped and mind set on this is, I don't know how she feels.
Say something, tell me you hate me, tell me you want me dead, tell me you are mad, tell me you are disappointed, tell me. Be honest, come out and say it.
I did laugh a few times because I was so uncomfortable... I shouldn't have done that.
Either way I know she loves me and is here for me and I am somewhat glad I told her just wish I wasn't told so strongly from the spirit.... whew.
I have a cousin who I am pretty close to and was through the pregancy. We talked and we visted another, we went shopping, we went to Christmas festivities. We had fun. We laughed we talked. I have been closer to the spirit since May I would say and whenever he tells me to tell people I do.
Yesterday I told my cousin. She is older then me and opened up about some things and I got this STRONG, nervous feeling I should tell her. I did. I cried as I told her. It was very painful. I should have told her over the phone. It was SO HEAVY for her and it still is uncomfortable.
The things she said that keep going through my brain.
"Alice, I didn't think you would ever do something like this"
"I am sorry you had to go through that. "
"I love you and this doesn't change how I feel about you"
"I just want to give you a hug"
She was STUNNED. She was shocked. It was uncomfortable the rest of the day.
My friend made a good point and said, think of it this way, you will never have to tell her again.
I think why I am so stumped and mind set on this is, I don't know how she feels.
Say something, tell me you hate me, tell me you want me dead, tell me you are mad, tell me you are disappointed, tell me. Be honest, come out and say it.
I did laugh a few times because I was so uncomfortable... I shouldn't have done that.
Either way I know she loves me and is here for me and I am somewhat glad I told her just wish I wasn't told so strongly from the spirit.... whew.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
one year ago I got pregnant
1948 views
I don't want to be alone. I don't want to think what I was doing last year. I don't want to remember that I drove down and did something that I shouldn't have done.
I had a lady once tell me who was trying to have babies that people would say, it's prom night... I wonder if.... This was the most painful thing and part of the whole pregnancy. The conception. It is the night I think back to the most of any night through the past year. I think of the emotions, excitement and caution.
It is an EXTREMELY personal and emotional time for me. This is so different from when I am sad about the baby. The most beautiful baby is the consequence of the sin. This is about the sin. The consequence of the sin is perfect. He is cute, sweet, darling, fun, happy, healthy and everything any baby is and more. He is smart and alert and he is STRONG! He is so special.
This isn't about him. This is SO SO SO much about me.
I listen to conference and I think THIS IS SO GOOD why didn't this pierce my heart, why didn't this stop me last year. What am I missing? What is stopping me now? Why wouldn't I do it all over again?
I go to institute and.... I can't focus, I couldn't get anything out of institute this past time because I am SO focused on why I let myself do the things I did a year ago. It wasn't first degree. I had NO intentions of going to see him and sleep with him. That was NOT my intentions. I was legitimately excited to see him and see an old friend. I was heart broken and desperate. Now I think, will I do that again because last year I did and I didn't have any hesitations. I think why will I let these things change my heart even though last year I was doing the same things. I had a reminder last year to remind me to put my armor of God on by reading my scriptures. I was attending church... I was doing it all. Really, what is keeping me from it now?
I am really not through this weird stage. I think I will go through it for a while. I will keep wondering and I think it is good. I need to plant my feet in. I need to continue to have the love for myself and mostly my God that I want to keep his commandments and be true to him. There is no point in me falling again. It is just hard when I do cuddle with a boy and I feel like I have failed but I do want to cuddle with a boy...
I am setting rules for myself. I am only going to cuddle in public. I am only going to kiss a guy that wants to be my boyfriend.
I need these rules and hopefully I will find out internally how to overcome these thoughts from last year. Everyday I am reminded of last year. The smells, the weather... Last year I went to the hot springs after I got prego and what am I doing Saturday, my friends invited me to go to the hot springs again. UGH
WHEN WILL IT BE OVER!
Wednesday, November 8th was the day I found out I was prego, I better make plans for that day, today.
I am constantly making plans so I know I am never alone... it is exhausting but I feel safe.
I use to think, I am not alone, I have a baby in me and we are together. Now I am alone physically but Jesus is with me constantly. I feel Him with me.
I don't want to be alone. I don't want to think what I was doing last year. I don't want to remember that I drove down and did something that I shouldn't have done.
I had a lady once tell me who was trying to have babies that people would say, it's prom night... I wonder if.... This was the most painful thing and part of the whole pregnancy. The conception. It is the night I think back to the most of any night through the past year. I think of the emotions, excitement and caution.
It is an EXTREMELY personal and emotional time for me. This is so different from when I am sad about the baby. The most beautiful baby is the consequence of the sin. This is about the sin. The consequence of the sin is perfect. He is cute, sweet, darling, fun, happy, healthy and everything any baby is and more. He is smart and alert and he is STRONG! He is so special.
This isn't about him. This is SO SO SO much about me.
I listen to conference and I think THIS IS SO GOOD why didn't this pierce my heart, why didn't this stop me last year. What am I missing? What is stopping me now? Why wouldn't I do it all over again?
I go to institute and.... I can't focus, I couldn't get anything out of institute this past time because I am SO focused on why I let myself do the things I did a year ago. It wasn't first degree. I had NO intentions of going to see him and sleep with him. That was NOT my intentions. I was legitimately excited to see him and see an old friend. I was heart broken and desperate. Now I think, will I do that again because last year I did and I didn't have any hesitations. I think why will I let these things change my heart even though last year I was doing the same things. I had a reminder last year to remind me to put my armor of God on by reading my scriptures. I was attending church... I was doing it all. Really, what is keeping me from it now?
I am really not through this weird stage. I think I will go through it for a while. I will keep wondering and I think it is good. I need to plant my feet in. I need to continue to have the love for myself and mostly my God that I want to keep his commandments and be true to him. There is no point in me falling again. It is just hard when I do cuddle with a boy and I feel like I have failed but I do want to cuddle with a boy...
I am setting rules for myself. I am only going to cuddle in public. I am only going to kiss a guy that wants to be my boyfriend.
I need these rules and hopefully I will find out internally how to overcome these thoughts from last year. Everyday I am reminded of last year. The smells, the weather... Last year I went to the hot springs after I got prego and what am I doing Saturday, my friends invited me to go to the hot springs again. UGH
WHEN WILL IT BE OVER!
Wednesday, November 8th was the day I found out I was prego, I better make plans for that day, today.
I am constantly making plans so I know I am never alone... it is exhausting but I feel safe.
I use to think, I am not alone, I have a baby in me and we are together. Now I am alone physically but Jesus is with me constantly. I feel Him with me.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
thank you LDS Family Services
http://www.providentliving.org/lds-family-services?lang=eng
itsaboutlove.org
I could never express my love for LDS family services in complete detail. I will try.
First I found the best caseworker in the world. She always was on MY SIDE and still is. She loves me, hopes the best for me. She knows I will come out of this on top. She is a great caseworker and I love her.
Second group- pure bliss to hear about how your situation could be different and worse. I don't know how group heals but it does. I am not sure why talking openly and discussing life heals but it does. I love those girls
Third I met a best friend. She is a beam of light. She let me borrow her journals and she painted my path.
Fourth- they support everyone! EVVVERYONE
thank you thank you thank you
itsaboutlove.org
I could never express my love for LDS family services in complete detail. I will try.
First I found the best caseworker in the world. She always was on MY SIDE and still is. She loves me, hopes the best for me. She knows I will come out of this on top. She is a great caseworker and I love her.
Second group- pure bliss to hear about how your situation could be different and worse. I don't know how group heals but it does. I am not sure why talking openly and discussing life heals but it does. I love those girls
Third I met a best friend. She is a beam of light. She let me borrow her journals and she painted my path.
Fourth- they support everyone! EVVVERYONE
thank you thank you thank you
MJ
Dear Mary Jane, MJ, POT, marijuana,
I couldn't be more grateful for you and the influence you had on the way the baby was able to go to the adoptive family.
Thank you-
now I wish you would go away, you are addictive, change people and smell like dog poop. You smoke people dumb and it is a FACT.
I couldn't be more grateful for you and the influence you had on the way the baby was able to go to the adoptive family.
Thank you-
now I wish you would go away, you are addictive, change people and smell like dog poop. You smoke people dumb and it is a FACT.
prego test
1927 views
I really thought I was pregnant.
I cuddled with a boy and I couldn't get it out of my head that I could be prego. I cuddled with him on the 24th of September. I MEAN COME ON right.
Trauma is real. I have been complementing buying a prego test since it happened.
I have been feeling pregnant and been scared.
I bought a test.
It was negative.
I am thrilled and so happy and full of joy.
My friend and I set up some boundaries for me with boys.
Only cuddle in public
Oh shoot, I can't remember the other one..... oh well.
I guess we live and learn. I learned I am not prego.
I really hope that one day when I do find someone to marry, which is going to take a miracle, that I am happy with life.
Commandments don't limit us they protect us.
Although I am grateful I was able to have baby boy I don't want to sin against my God again.
I really thought I was pregnant.
I cuddled with a boy and I couldn't get it out of my head that I could be prego. I cuddled with him on the 24th of September. I MEAN COME ON right.
Trauma is real. I have been complementing buying a prego test since it happened.
I have been feeling pregnant and been scared.
I bought a test.
It was negative.
I am thrilled and so happy and full of joy.
My friend and I set up some boundaries for me with boys.
Only cuddle in public
Oh shoot, I can't remember the other one..... oh well.
I guess we live and learn. I learned I am not prego.
I really hope that one day when I do find someone to marry, which is going to take a miracle, that I am happy with life.
Commandments don't limit us they protect us.
Although I am grateful I was able to have baby boy I don't want to sin against my God again.
best coworker ever
Today I feel so sad anxious and unnerved.
4th category for when the girl gets prego
People who think it is normal.
I should have put this in the previous posts but I didn't. Really I like that he said this because there are people in this life and nothing is normal at all but they see it normal. They don't get upset or mad about my choices.
I did ask, what would you do if I got prego again and he said.. QUIT.
He is gone today and tomorrow. I miss him already. It is hard to be without him.
He really was good to me through my whole pregnancy. He was part of what the birth dad should have been.
He drank a whole water bottle just to support me as I drank the glucose test drink. EW
He would get on bored every time I went haywalll and wanted to conqueror and impossible project in matter of minutes. Which he said would be the warning for my husband.
There are a million more reasons. I don't want to tell you. ;)
4th category for when the girl gets prego
People who think it is normal.
I should have put this in the previous posts but I didn't. Really I like that he said this because there are people in this life and nothing is normal at all but they see it normal. They don't get upset or mad about my choices.
I did ask, what would you do if I got prego again and he said.. QUIT.
He is gone today and tomorrow. I miss him already. It is hard to be without him.
He really was good to me through my whole pregnancy. He was part of what the birth dad should have been.
He drank a whole water bottle just to support me as I drank the glucose test drink. EW
He would get on bored every time I went haywalll and wanted to conqueror and impossible project in matter of minutes. Which he said would be the warning for my husband.
There are a million more reasons. I don't want to tell you. ;)
3 months today
1837 views
I have had such a great 3 months.
July was dedicated to the sweetest little boy and he couldn't be a sweeter one. I got to see my sister, got to California, other places and morn the loss and grieve through the loss of the sweetest boy I ever had in my belly and held in my arms.
August I came back to feel and to think and to gather how to be a birth mom and have the BUSIEST month of my life going cray cray at work.
September I learned how to be me again. How to not be sad about a baby not being with me and how to be happy. I learned that I want to start dating again and have a family. I have been quite extremem.
October. I feel like I am doing pretty good. I don't emotionally miss him my sweet baby.
I do think things have taken a BIG turn. I am as my friend says desperate or my great friend refrased, forward in trying to find a husband.
Today....
Today his mom called and asked if I would come over. I asked when she needed me because my lunch break is VERY flexible. She said the sooner the better so I closed up shop and went to see baby for his 3 months which I wasn't anticipating.
It is almost easier to not anticipate coming over. Really it is. It makes it feel THAT much more natural.
Openness is so nice.
I love his mom, his dad, his dog, his house, the smell of his breath, the sweet expressions, the spirit he has. When I am not with him, like right now I feel his spirit. I feel what he is, will be and can be. I feel him walking in and talking when he is older and he wants a drink. I feel him as he would try out for the basketball team. I feel him as he is nervous for the first time he passes the sacrament and will bless the members of ward. I feel him being older but I CHERISH him right now.
I don't want him or me to forget how much he adored and adores his mother. He follows the sound of her voice and the whispers of her heart. He loves her and adores her so much.
I love how protective your dad is of you baby. Your daddy doesn't want me to sit to close to the fireplace in case your face burns off because, "he likes your face" Your dad called his mom to ask him about the milk you were spitting up all day and he didn't want you to be upset. He finds your patterns and memorizes you. He LOVES you. When he first saw you and even when your mom first saw you I could feel the love they have for you. They love me too and I feel it. They want you to be the happiest baby on earth and for the most part you are.
Today I got to your house and looked at you in the swing. Right when I see you I can't help but want to hug and squeeze you and kiss you. I reisited. I don't want to step on your mommy's toes. We went in the living room and I ate and talked to you and your mom. She got ready in the bathroom. I held you and we took pictures then I fed ya. Then your mama wrapped you up. Which you didn't love but once you were wrapped up you loved life. I rocked you a little and talked to your mom as she got ready and then I went in your room and we snuggled and I told you stories about why I love you as I have written and I told you how great you are and then i laid my face on your face and you fell asleep. I laid you down and felt so lucky to hold you.
Your mom has the spirit of you and just as I was laying you down she came in to help me out and tell you she loved you.
Happy 3 months sweet baby
I use to listen to this song ALL the time and think of you. my sweet baby.
I have had such a great 3 months.
July was dedicated to the sweetest little boy and he couldn't be a sweeter one. I got to see my sister, got to California, other places and morn the loss and grieve through the loss of the sweetest boy I ever had in my belly and held in my arms.
August I came back to feel and to think and to gather how to be a birth mom and have the BUSIEST month of my life going cray cray at work.
September I learned how to be me again. How to not be sad about a baby not being with me and how to be happy. I learned that I want to start dating again and have a family. I have been quite extremem.
October. I feel like I am doing pretty good. I don't emotionally miss him my sweet baby.
I do think things have taken a BIG turn. I am as my friend says desperate or my great friend refrased, forward in trying to find a husband.
Today....
Today his mom called and asked if I would come over. I asked when she needed me because my lunch break is VERY flexible. She said the sooner the better so I closed up shop and went to see baby for his 3 months which I wasn't anticipating.
It is almost easier to not anticipate coming over. Really it is. It makes it feel THAT much more natural.
Openness is so nice.
I love his mom, his dad, his dog, his house, the smell of his breath, the sweet expressions, the spirit he has. When I am not with him, like right now I feel his spirit. I feel what he is, will be and can be. I feel him walking in and talking when he is older and he wants a drink. I feel him as he would try out for the basketball team. I feel him as he is nervous for the first time he passes the sacrament and will bless the members of ward. I feel him being older but I CHERISH him right now.
I don't want him or me to forget how much he adored and adores his mother. He follows the sound of her voice and the whispers of her heart. He loves her and adores her so much.
I love how protective your dad is of you baby. Your daddy doesn't want me to sit to close to the fireplace in case your face burns off because, "he likes your face" Your dad called his mom to ask him about the milk you were spitting up all day and he didn't want you to be upset. He finds your patterns and memorizes you. He LOVES you. When he first saw you and even when your mom first saw you I could feel the love they have for you. They love me too and I feel it. They want you to be the happiest baby on earth and for the most part you are.
Today I got to your house and looked at you in the swing. Right when I see you I can't help but want to hug and squeeze you and kiss you. I reisited. I don't want to step on your mommy's toes. We went in the living room and I ate and talked to you and your mom. She got ready in the bathroom. I held you and we took pictures then I fed ya. Then your mama wrapped you up. Which you didn't love but once you were wrapped up you loved life. I rocked you a little and talked to your mom as she got ready and then I went in your room and we snuggled and I told you stories about why I love you as I have written and I told you how great you are and then i laid my face on your face and you fell asleep. I laid you down and felt so lucky to hold you.
Your mom has the spirit of you and just as I was laying you down she came in to help me out and tell you she loved you.
Happy 3 months sweet baby
I use to listen to this song ALL the time and think of you. my sweet baby.
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