heart of ache

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I have a cousin who I am pretty close to and was through the pregancy. We talked and we visted another, we went shopping, we went to Christmas festivities. We had fun. We laughed we talked. I have been closer to the spirit since May I would say and whenever he tells me to tell people I do.

Yesterday I told my cousin. She is older then me and opened up about some things and I got this STRONG, nervous feeling I should tell her. I did. I cried as I told her. It was very painful. I should have told her over the phone. It was SO HEAVY for her and it still is uncomfortable.

The things she said that keep going through my brain.

"Alice, I didn't think you would ever do something like this"

"I am sorry you had to go through that. "

"I love you and this doesn't change how I feel about you"

"I just want to give you a hug"

She was STUNNED. She was shocked. It was uncomfortable the rest of the day.

My friend made a good point and said, think of it this way, you will never have to tell her again.

I think why I am so stumped and mind set on this is, I don't know how she feels.

Say something, tell me you hate me, tell me you want me dead, tell me you are mad, tell me you are disappointed, tell me. Be honest, come out and say it.

I did laugh a few times because I was so uncomfortable... I shouldn't have done that.

Either way I know she loves me and is here for me and I am somewhat glad I told her just wish I wasn't told so strongly from the spirit.... whew.