Friday night

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Just as I was about to drive to a major city and go on a shopping spree then decided if I really had enough courage to go to a bar alone and find someone and just live that life I decided to call my friend. He is a dad to a girl who lives more then far away and he doesn't see her. Last week we talked about how I feel like a single mom with no kids he feels the same. Okay that is him. He loves his baby's mama and propsed 2 times to get nos to both. TEAR RIGHT.

I called him.

He was feeling the same as me. LOW LOW LOW and DEPRESSED beyond belief. He said things like even if a good girl came along he wouldn't want her and all this stuff. SAD stuff. Now looking back he forgot who he was and needed to be reminded. I should remind him.

Well I went to his house went hot tubin and then another friend of ours came, we got dressed up SUPER spiffy and went to dinner. He was the epitome of chivalrous. It was lovely.

Somethings I liked about what he said that night.

I wish I could get a bottle of wine and drink it all
out of the blue comment. You need a boob guy. I find you attractive. You just need to find a boob guy.
Are we not married because we are old?
You look great in your swimsuit
You lost your baby weight fast

I love him. Being with him started to give me a thread of hope because he was AS LOW as me and he was saying and believing stuff that I said all day and listening to hm it sounded absurd and MISERY LOVES COMPANY and I loved being with him even though we laughed.

He has the cutest dog that laid his head on my lap and it melted me in half.

So he kinda saved me because one of the guys that didn't text me back after a back and forth convo of me telling him that I wanted to be naughty and he him telling me I would regret it he texted me back at 10 PM and it would have been the the precise moment for us to be breaking our covenants and leaving God.

My friend who was of his low of low saved me that night. Everything inside of me was fighting to not call him and I did. Everything inside of me was telling me it would solve the problem to go be INSANE and instead I went hot tubing and to a nice restaurant and watched a movie.

Although I still felt that HAZZY dark depression cloud with me, it was eased with the presence of these two.