I hate today

nobody happy better see me today.

I hate today

I hate saying hate and I want to say it every single second.

I found out the baby is being sealed to his family. I could really just die. It is TO much. I can't stop crying. I can't stop feeling so much hate from GOD. I feel like leaving everything I have ever stood for and leaving it. I want to start everything. Drinking, smoking, all drugs and I HAVE NEVER been tempted by this before. I want to meet a guy at the bar and go home with him and make my own baby. I want to see if I can have babies today based off my period. I want to do everything wrong. I want to fulfill every urge. I want to have these feelings leave by being physical with another guy.

Oh would my future husband think this was attractive? I don't have a future husband. THERE IS SO REASON TO THINK THAT PLEASSSSE

WHERE ARE MY BLESSINGS?

I don't get a husband, I don't get a baby, all my friends are gone. I have no plans tonight, I have nothing. I am nothing.

I am uncontrollable today.

I think this is one of the lowest I have felt in a long time.

I really just want to be held. I want someone. Nobody wants me.

I don't want sympathy from someone who knows about my situation. I think that is why I don't tell people about my situation. I don't want fake sympathy and I can't tell if they are being real or what they say behind my back.

My coworker is playing slit your wrist music. I love it. I have cried  already listening to it.

I need help.

I want someone else to abuse my body. I want to feel nothing. I want to regret it. to bad everyone who would do this is busy tonight and that I have found good guys to be around.

GGRRRRR

I hate today.