I have always thought that I would be willing to have a baby for someone I just never thought that would mean being with a birth dad that is a little hard to deal with and worrying for months that he is going to get in the way of the placement and then him end up ignoring me for the better part of the first 4 months. He sure is a wild one and he has really had some unique chocolates he has chosen in his box and he is kinda mean. Good thing I don't have that emotional connection with him.
I remember in high school we were learning about a couple that couldn't have kids then the daughters mom or the grandma got a test tube baby of the couple and she ended up having twins and then the parents raised them. I just LOVED THAT. I always thought if I knew someone couldn't have a baby, like my sister or something I would want to do that for them.
I was talking to the new couple that I love and adore and a little background. She is a huge blogger and shares personal stories and how she wants to adopt. I wonder how people find her.. hmm anyhow I doubt in anyway she thought that putting out all that personal information she would be yes, helping millions but there are also people who are anti adoption. Well, that is just bizarre for me. I still can't seem to wrap my mind around it. They would hunt people down who are already having a tough chocolate from the box and then try to ruin it for them. I mean COME ON PEOPLE. I would really like to talk to them. As a birth mom, you have NO idea what it is like for me, being someone who was raised with two wonderful parents and find myself in a situation that I can't give everything to the child and be an example of how God intended our lives to be. I am sure for the antis something was really hard for whatever reason they ended up in that situation (look at Cinderella, she has all the reason in the world to be mad, it is her choice to see the beauty in life) but how about people (wow, I am on a rant, no stopping me) I just wish they could find the time to heal, I would be willing to listen and help set goals so they, could be happy for me and happy for the baby that is going to be placed with two parents who love the baby and the entire family loves another.
I was talking to my good friends mom about why I want to place ect. I just KNOW KNOW KNOW that this is what is intended for the baby. I have a full time job, I have life experience, I have a savings, I don't live pay check to pay check. I could take care of the this baby. Is that what is intended for the baby, no. I can honestly tell you that is not the intention.
From the day I was young I said if I ever had a baby out of wedlock I wold place or marry the man. This man doesn't want to marry and he says I am way to nice to be his type. (what a compliment, right) So for me yes I did flatter his idea of raising the baby as friends but in reality that isn't what stuck with me.
This piece of chocolate is just starting to get sweet. With each email that I write to the new couple I feel so much more love in my heart. Since week 16 I have been physically starting to feel like a rock star comparative to throwing up 14 times in a row 3 times a day or not eating for a whole day and getting super sick with anything I ate or when I was so thirsty I felt like I looked like my lips were falling off they were so dry or waking up with bleeding lips. Lets just say, feeling good is a miracle and oh so sweet.
I have had many good chocolates in my life and many chocolates that have been a little longer of a wait to feel that sweetness.
I just know that we still must have hope. That we don't stop eating chocolate because one of them has been a bad one. We must keep going, keep moving, keep helping, keep on keeping on ;)
How are those chocolates today?
from my heart,
Alice
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.