why adoption and the family.

309 page views. 27 yesterday. Feeling so popular and loved. If you aren't feeling loved, I am so sorry. I really do love you. Even if I haven't met you, I really do love you. LIFE IS HARD. I know in my last blog I said I wanted everyone to be as sad as me but I am happy today and I want you to be as happy as me.

Last night I was talking to this mom. She has a unique circumstance. She is an adoptive mom. Her daughter is adopted and she is pregnant. She is 19 and living with her boyfriend. She hasn't decided if she wants to place or parent. I hope she places. I feel so bad, she feels like nobody likes her or talks to her at our meetings for woman who single parent, place, prego, or know anyone who has. We have grandmas who come ect. The 19 year old feels like nobody likes her at group. I think I forget that she is looking for acceptance in anything. She is 19 weeks and she needs a friend as much as I need a friend. Her tummy is really big. Mine is not noticeable AT ALL. I love it and partly feel bad for little baby.

Last night I made a smoothie and my bestie was over. I drank my smoothie and I was like I am sorry I might throw up.  I laid down but I just couldn't keep it in. I threw up everything after 4 huge throws. It wasn't to bad. Throwing up smoothie is the best thing to throw up.

Why adoption?

It took me a while to really decided if I could place the baby. I know I have always wanted to have a baby. I just didn't intend on being single and having a baby. Do I want the baby? Yes, only if I am married and in love. The birth dad and I talked a little in November and he made it really clear he didn't want to get married because we conceived the baby as friends he wanted to raise the babies as friends. I asked him about that for a while and he sent me some houses we could rent in a near by city but it just wasn't for me. It just didn't feel right and although he wasn't happy and we stopped talking after I told him we should consider adoption. It was lovely because he was really stressful before. (is that negative? yesterday we learned we should only speak positively of the birth dads) So adding positive, he wants to take responsibly for his actions which is noble. So, after I told him that in November,  I went in search of a testimony of adoption. I started meeting with Charity and meeting with other girls at group. It was neat to see these girls who had placed. The birth moms that placed were really great. I just love their spirits. They seemed to hold confidence, were secure in their choice and were healed. I just really want this baby to have parents and have a mom and a dad and a sibling. I wanted the baby to have the security and example of love. I was pretty excited to start looking for a family although I didn't really know what I would be looking for...

Okay I did.

Why the c family?

I really wanted a couple that loved another. I wanted a mom that would be someone like me or someone I connect with so I could be comfortable with her raising the baby. I wanted a dad that would respect me and not dominate over the mom. I wanted the family to have a child already so just in case this baby was going to be  the last baby the family were to get, that the baby could have a sibling. I really wanted a child in the home that was about 3 or 4 our younger.

My wonderful cousin knew I wanted a good blogger, someone that took care of themselves, intelligent and someone our personalities connected with.

SO! I emailed 3 families one that cousin found and two that my case worker found.  When this family emailed me back, I FELL IN LOVE with c family mom. She was so personable and didn't hide anything. She just was all out there and I felt like after a few emails I knew I wanted to meet them. I didn't really get to know him or the husband very well but I didn't want a relationship with him I wanted one with her and I felt that it was inappropriate to get to know him really well. I feel good that he would do his 3 p's like, protect, provide and preside. AND HE BETTER! ;) Moms are to nurture and she will  and I love my family. I am getting ahead of the game. Okay so, I met them on a Sunday and I LOVED THEM! I wanted to meet them so I would be able to feel good about my choice of making them MY FAMILY. So, I prayed about it and felt peaceful and that was a great feeling. I knew the Lord wants the baby to be happy and have a great life and I feel good about the family. I am so content that that I can look back on that day and go, I got an answer and whenever I have gotten an answer I have felt good about I have never had a bad experience.

Do I get worried?

Ya, I do sometimes. I want to know everything like what is their parenting style or what will our relationship will be like after baby is born and what will happen if something happens and what are their views about yadda yadda. But truly is that going to change if I choose them? No, never. I love them.

I think they get worried too?
How could they not, what if I keep baby or baby doesn't do well or yadda yadda...

Even with the worries, I still feel like everything will work out, I am peaceful.

TOMORROW WE FIND OUT THE SEX!!!
I still want a baby girl, selfishly because they have a a girl. I was the oldest and I LOVED having my sister. I love my brother but having my sister right next to me in age was lovely. YAY for babies and families.