Please don't stop the music

165 views so far. I took a break from the blog and came back and there is 169! WOW! I am amazed. I like that there aren't any comments. I have a second blog and it sure does help to know that I am loved on that one with some comments but on here there isn't anyone spouting out their opinions at me. I just assume the worst a lot. For example I would get the haters. I think we all acknowledge mistakes. Getting pregnant before marriage was a mistake.

For anyone out there who doesn't have someone to be there for you, like a husband or boyfriend. I don't know why male support is so nice... my guy friend moved and that is rough. I don't think they understand just how nice they are. I think girls are really empthatic but guys don't go through any of it and them seeing you go through it is such a fun thing. Like telling my best friend who are girls, they have done it or will so it is always in relation to them and I don't want them to hug me or hold my hand, I want a husband. Is that so wrong. I was telling my family about and she was like, I wish I could get you an insta husband. I would like that too. Someone nice. Just having someone to be there to tell me that it will work out and they will be there the whole way. I would still go through placement with a husband because it ain't going to be John. No thanks ;)

TODAY- I had something in my throat last night and I was thinking, if I cough I am going to throw up. This morning I didn't eat or drink anything and I was on the phone with my mom. She is cleaning her oven this morning and she was telling me all about her newest secret, baking soda and vinegar. I guess I better start using that stuff. I would like to drink it, if it would clear this start of a cold... JK. So there I was on the phone with my mom who doesn't know about me being prego and I am coughing and puking into the toilet and as I would puke or dry heave I would push mute then she would say something, I would comment on what she was saying. Dry heave again and after about 6 good dry heaves of spit and a little bit of strawberry kiwi vitamin c I finally was done. Then I laid naked on the floor because I had just gotten out of the shower and calmed down and then hurried and got ready. BLAH!

Oh being a prego is a hard life.I have said this before. NOBODY really tells you how hard it is. Or somehow we don't comprehend it. I have had cousins go in to the hospital when they are pregnant because they can't keep anything down. It really is hard to keep anything down and the 24/7 "morning sickness" whoever came up with the "morning sickness" was not someone who has NAUSEA ALL THE TIME. The sympathy must be a big thing for me because I LOVE it when my cousin tells me she is sorry and she can relate. I saw her pregnant and not feeling good. This is hard stuff making a human!!

Emotions-
When I met the family it was so nice, I don' think I have written about that on here. I will make that a more special post.... this one isn't a happy, it is all feelings about being sick and not having a man. lol which I WANT to remember and they are real feelings, just not on this post... if ya know what I mean.

SO i am still not showing. 19 weeks and 2 days. On Monday I will be 20. HALF WAY!!?!?!?!?

I emailed my caseworker and asked her for more details about the hospital and placement. It is nice because she has adopted and it is good to hear her side.  We are going to talk soon. Which is nice.

Who i have told so far.
1. I told guy friend (peed on a stick. LoVe HiM!)
2. John- baby daddy or as I also have heard sperm donor.
3. best friend in the area
4. cousin and she told with permission her husband. (such a support, she is like my mom through this because I haven't told my mom)
5. Coworker who could tell I was going through a hard time and guess it. No idea how he just KNEW!
6. Coworker
7. Church leader ( he told my coworker WITHOUT permission which wasn't to fun and made me mad and non trusting then didn't tell me till 2 weeks later he told her. AWESOME!)
8. Adoption place so two woman there ( they were so empathetic which I needed at that point)
9. All the girls at group (one girl told her roommates that made me mad and not trusting)
10. Caseworker- (she is great) and the family who said no... :(
That sums up November and December too, I had to think about stuff
11. most of my coworkers, someone not feeling good is a shocker.
12. My eyelash lady
That sums up January
13. I told my friend who is a girl
14. told the rest of my coworkers
14. met the family and told them
15. told of course their caseworker who is an old friend
16. the other case worker...
17. my other guy friend

John told
His friends in November
My best friend in December and didn't find that out till Feb.
He told his mom and she contacted me in January, talked to her and that was good

Can I just tell you Pitch Perfect is the BEST and I am listening to the music, it is awesome.

I am trying to think if I forgot anything.

Threw up today... last time was Thursday. YAY!

Thinking of telling the parents.... hmmmm

Oh and my bladder is always shrinking? Normal? I will ask the cousin.

Thanks for reading and I hope in some way I am helping you out. If not, stop reading, I am sure this can't be that good ;)

I ALSO want to add my progression
November- I felt like people should shun me
December- I was getting more comfortable with the idea and still felt a little lonely but could feel God in my heart trying to help me and me being so hard on myself
January- NUMB, family said no and feeling like I am not going to be able to do this
February- Thiking about the future, have an awesome connection with adoptive mom and then meeting the family and now feeling, WHAT is NEXT?

I guess the following months will tell us
MARCH
APRIL
MAY
JUNE
JULY

OKAY- one rant. I think birth moms need some insight to what EXACTLY we need to go over and what happens. Like a road map? Like a class? Can I please get my road map? For all case workers, please get me one.



XOXO
Alice


Just published and I am up to 172 views!! That is insane!