"I know this is like my 5th email to you today but I just read your blog post and HAD to write to you :( I'm so sad for you and wish I could come there right now and give you a hug! Please know that we love you and want to be here for you. When I say that right now I worry that you might think I only say that because you're still considering us and haven't officially picked us yet, but really really really we love and want to be here for you. Earlier today I was talking to (HUSBAND) and telling him how I'm worried about you thinking we'll just disappear if you decide not to have us as baby's family. I want you to know that even if you decide to find another family we're still here for you if you need/want us :) Granted, of course I hope there doesn't end up being a need for you to find another family :)
I'm so sorry (JOHN) has been so awful. It really makes me feel queasy. I wish he was at least nicer to you or at least less...bleh. Everything will be okay. Everything will be good."
She wrote me exactly what I needed to hear. How can I not love them and think this is meant to be?
I remember when I "broke up with" my other family and when they told me no because of whatever reasons. I just was so hurt by it and it just STUNG my heart. I cried for the first time and I haven't cried since. I almost cried 2 weeks ago when I was leaving my guy friend but it seems like that was a waste I mean quote. he said this to me...
"Alice, everyone just can't drop everything they are doing just because you got pregnant" AND "I am not your baby daddy or your boyfriend"
Well it stinks to be you guy friend who I once loved because that has really pinched my heart and it is good to know how he feels about everything. It still makes me a little bit sad but I am also happy that I have my family I LOVE. I can't tell you how much I feel an instant change. Later in the email she said I can email anytime. I just really like to express myself in email. Like we all know because I have been really typing a lot on my blog ever since.
What I said to the guy friend only a friend, not a boyfriend or a baby daddy grrr is I just love the connection we have and I know that you know how I feel about everything. Nobody knows how sometimes if just is stinking when someone doesn't CLICK with what you are feeling.
I am happy and my heart feels warm.
I just know I am not alone. God loves me although he isn't a human in the flesh I know the Spirit tells me.
Cheers to being happy!!!!
Valentines this year.. BOO!
The guy friend kept saying things like "Alice you need to focus on the baby, not love"
Well, this is VERY HARD to go through MR guy and the next time you need someone I hope nobody comes because just because you had yadda yadda happen doesn't mean everyone can drop what they are doing for you.
Okay, I don't mean that. I don't want anyone as sad and alone as I felt Sunday night.
XOXOOXOXOXO
What's funny is the guy friend isn't my boyfriend or my baby daddy but he makes me more sad then any of my other friends and defiantly more sad then the baby daddy. The baby daddy makes me temporarily angry. It has been 3 days and I am trying to get over the whole friend thing.
Grrrr.
I really am doing well. I curled my hair today and I am ready for life!
Okay, I just texted him.
Alice- Miss you already
Him- miss you already too
Alice- lol ohhhhh why do the things you say sting so hard. I cant help but keep repeating those things in my head and heart
Him- ohh Alice! I didn't mean to be rude or hurt you. Sorry
Alice- ..... I know
Well readers, all 99 of you. I have no idea who all of you are, thanks for reading. I hope you will forever be kind to the girl who gets prego and realize she doesn't want to be a burden, just be validated and have some empathy. I you can't give it to her. Send her to me. I am learning from the best.
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