I wonder who is reading this... please email me any thoughts and feelings to fromtheheart1016@gmail.com I would love to hear if this is helping you at all or your thoughts, especially meridian idaho person.
SO! I went to bed feeling sad and woke up feeling sad. This has been the hardest week. I think almost harder then the week that I had him and placed him. Almost. That was pretty rough too....
I have been wanting a blessing SO SO much and not really felt like i knew who to call or to ask or when to ask. I just knew I would feel better once I got one but I just didn't know. I didn't want to be burden to anyone and I have been wanting a blessing from the babies adoptive dad for a long time. I wanted to exhaust all other causes but nobody was answering my texts and I called my bishop but he was already at work and I just didn't know. Maybe I shouldn't have but I asked the babies adoptive dad. I really really love him and on my drive over I cried, when I got there I cried. It was like seeing them as friends not as the babies dad.
In the blessing God told me he loved me and that he knows my hearts pain. He knows how hard work has been and how hard everything is. It felt so good to hear that. God told me the baby loves me. He also told me that the baby is well taken care of and loved. He told me that i need to pray every time I think about it. I need to read my scriptures and that I need to know my friends love me. I cried and cried.
The mom asked if I wanted to see baby and I told her no.
I cried more. I just didn't want this to be about the baby. This was about me today. This was about me feeling pain and I needed to be about me.
As he was giving the blessing I didn't want him to stop. I wanted to continue to feel that love and the comfort.
I headed straight for the temple. I was red eyed, teared. wearing a skirt that is to short so I had leggings on under and wearing flip flops but I felt like God wanted me to come.
I walked in and felt that immediate peace again like I was getting a blessing. I felt so good and I cried.
I did a part in the temple and as I was changing into my clothes I cried, this is the stall that I always used when I was pregnant and I cried.
I cried during the blessings and thinking one day. One day more.
I prayed and prayed every time I got sad about baby.
I have a necklace and in a circle it says love (babies name) always or always love babies name or babies name always love. I feel like sometimes it says to me the baby loves me and the other that I love the baby. It goes all ways because of the circle and it couldn't be a more perfect gift from the family.
I do feel better. I opened the scriptures in the temple to Moroni 7. I have read this chapter over and over again. Because I do feel like I have the gift of charity and I do need faith and hope.
These words were words from Gods mouth to my soul
33 And Christ hath said: aIf ye will have bfaith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is cexpedient in me.
34 And he hath said: aRepent all ye ends of the earth, and come unto me, and be baptized in my name, and have faith in me, that ye may be saved.
35 And now, my beloved brethren, if this be the case that these things are true which I have spoken unto you, and God will show unto you, with apower and great glory at the last bday, that they are true, and if they are true has the day of miracles ceased?
36 Or have angels ceased to appear unto the children of men? Or has he awithheld the power of the Holy Ghost from them? Or will he, so long as time shall last, or the earth shall stand, or there shall be one man upon the face thereof to be saved?
37 Behold I say unto you, Nay; for it is by faith that amiracles are wrought; and it is by faith that angels appear and minister unto men; wherefore, if these things have ceased wo be unto the children of men, for it is because of bunbelief, and all is vain.
38 For no man can be saved, according to the words of Christ, save they shall have faith in his name; wherefore, if these things have ceased, then has faith ceased also; and awful is the state of man, for they are as though there had been no redemption made.
39 But behold, my beloved brethren, I judge better things of you, for I judge that ye have faith in Christ because of your meekness; for if ye have not faith in him then ye are not afit to be numbered among the people of his church.
40 And again, my beloved brethren, I would speak unto you concerning ahope. How is it that ye can attain unto faith, save ye shall have hope?
41 And what is it that ye shall ahope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have bhope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life ceternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise.
42 Wherefore, if a man have afaith he bmust needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope.
43 And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be ameek, and lowly of heart.
44 If so, his afaith and hope is vain, for none is bacceptable before God, save the cmeek and lowly in heart; and if a man be meek and lowly in heart, and dconfesses by the power of the Holy Ghost that Jesus is the Christ, he must needs have charity; for if he have not charity he is nothing; wherefore he must needs have charity.
45 And acharity suffereth long, and is bkind, and cenvieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily dprovoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—
47 But acharity is the pure blove of Christ, and it endurethcforever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.
48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, apray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true bfollowers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall cbe like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be dpurified even as he is pure. Amen.
God loves us and I will do everything to be seen as his disciple in the last days. I understand I was meant to go through this and I am grateful God has trusted me with such a responsibility and challenge. I will have faith. I will have hope and I will be seen as His.
I will marry, I will have a husband, I will have my children, I will have the blessings that have been given to me and that I know in my heart.
I love my friends. ALl of you. All you readers, my family, my babies family and just everyone.
May the boy who got killed yesterday in an accident be blessed and his family.
I FEEL SO GOOD AND SO WHOLE! I love life and I can do it.
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