my july 23rd feelings

I think it is important for me to remember and feel sad. It is healthy and it hurts to remember these but it keeps it real and alive. It keeps me healing.



I don't get to do so many things because i place him. I don't get to hear about him being cute or have my mom here to help me with him. Instead I'm trying to keep myself busy and happy. I just want to be tired from taking care of him. My friends all had babies this month and i need to keep him as secret as possible for his safety and my sanity. Grrr oh i.need to have hope, hope that one day i get to do this again the right way. God loves me, he loves baby. He loves the adoptive couple. He loves all of us and lead me to make this right choice but this is sad. It's like i go through all the physical pain, bleeding, constipation, no swimming, and yes taking care of a baby is hard but i loved it with him the days i had him. My mom let me do everything. I'm sad. It's good for me to feel. Blah, I'm going to miss everything